The Real Housewives of Cheshire's Lauren Simon is an icon for a plethora of reasons in our eyes (most recently, popping on Celebrity Big Brother as a flashing mermaid that lived in a hot tub); she is a queen, she is a diva, she is a meme, she is the moment and perhaps above all of that, she is this generation's Stifler's Mom (but from Cheshire obv) and we adore her for it.
The reality star is living her absolute best single life in her fifties and we will never stop cheering her on from the sidelines/hope to be her one day.
And those are just some of the reasons she's the longest-running cast member on The Real Housewives of Cheshire – she's unapologetically her fabulous self and will do what she wants, when she wants (also, her taglines are second to none).
The cougar vibes coming off this one would make Courteney Cox shake, and that was perfectly demonstrated in the most recent episode of The Real Housewives of Cheshire.
The ladies have been celebrating their ten-year-anniversary this season and, as such, have been celebrating everything and everyone left, right and centre - it's been a joy, tbh.
In Monday's episode, the ladies were whisked off to the biggest Airbnb we have ever seen in Wales for Ester Dee's hen party. The event was organised by Rachel Lugo, who chose 'tacky' fun as the theme for Ester's hen - and that's not a read, by the way, that's what a hen SHOULD be, if you ask us. Anyway, a rogue and rugged butler in the buff was part of that package (no pun intended) and it's safe to say our Lozza came to life when the scantily-clad butler was revealed to the group.
Because she is all of us.
As the hen party progressed into the evening, Lauren and the butler - who we have since learned is a Dreamboy called Gaz - erm, 'disappeared off' (Rachel's words, not ours) into a quieter room together. When they were later caught by Rachel, both Lauren and Gaz looked extremely suspicious (it's hard to put into words - but we have ALL pulled that face).
When she was quizzed about her antics the next morning, Lauren assured her cast mates that nothing happened between the pair. Lystra Adams didn't buy it and we're not sure we did either.
Fans of the show might like to know that Gaz has since spoken out about what happened with Lauren online simply writing, '😂 I made it out alive' on Instagram.
Naturally, as soon as fans realised who he was, they flocked to respond with one fan writing, 'You've got your whole life ahead of you instead of being eaten alive so young,' and another adding, 'I thought Lauren was going to eat you alive! Well, maybe she did, part way! 😉😂.'
Saucy.
Go on, Lozza.
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Ben Pulsford is a digital writer for Bauer Media, writing for both Closer online and heatworld. When he's not getting paid to gossip about TOWIE, Love Island and The Real Housewives of Cheshire, he's storming the London LGBTQ+ scene as drag queen, Beary Poppins, or co-hosting Spill The Fizz podcast alongside Traitors legend, Diane Carson. Both Ben and Beary are awaiting an invite to join The Real Housewives of Cheshire for series 18. The budget's not there, but the drama is 💅.