There are two kinds of people in the world: those who spend all year waiting for the first Christmas song to come on the radio and squeal with joy when it does, and those who hear the phrase ‘deck the halls’ and immediately want to deck someone in the chops.
If you fall into the latter camp, you’ll know that the enforced jollity of the festive season is a special kind of hell. Here are seven thoughts everyone who hates Christmas will definitely have had.
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12 things you only know if you hate Christmas
1. Why so early?
It's November. All I Want For Christmas Is You just came on the radio. How is that even legal?
2. Crap Christmas presents
Hey, we're not being ungrateful, but how difficult would it be just to pop an Amazon voucher in an envelope? We know it's the thought the counts, but we can't be sure how much though Auntie Karen actually put into this matching socks and pants set.
3. Family arguments
Is it even really Christmas if someone in the family - most likely you and your annoying sibling – don't get into a screaming match over the dinner table? Families comes in all shapes and sizes but Christmas is guaranteed to test even the strongest of bonds.
3. Repetitive Christmas music.
It's like every pub, coffee shop and office in the land is contractually obliged to play the same 15 Christmas 'hits' on loop for the entire month of December. Magic FM plays Christmas songs 24 HOURS A DAY. It's too much.
4. Cringer Christmas couples
Around December 12th, "It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas" becomes the go-to Instagram caption for any photo of a mulled wine in mitten-clad hands, a twinkly Christmas market, or a PDA under the mistletoe. As much as this unbearably twee phrase makes your skin crawl, it's nothing compared to "the boy done good" under a picture of a freshly unwrapped handbag.
5. You envy those who actually do get to skip Christmas
Damn those lucky people who get to skip Christmas - either because they're of different faiths, have to work or just have understanding families who wouldn't take it as a personal affront if they took themselves on a solo holiday to avoid Christmas. You hate and admire those people in equal measure. Lucky buggers.
6. “Finished my shopping? I never started it!”
Sure, giving presents is a lovely gesture when you decide to buy a gift for someone you like purely as a nice thing to do, but the obsession with Christmas presents turns people into monsters. You might want to use the phrase "rampant consumerism" a lot, but apparently people find this annoying.
7. It's SPENNY
Shopping hell aside, Christmas is guaranteed to obliterate your bank balance. Even if you manage to save cash on homemade gifts or charity shopping, all the Christmas socialising means January is sure to be a VERY frugal month, whether you like it or not.
8. The indigestion isn't worth it
While Christmas is touted as a time to eat, drink and be merry, there is a limit to how much Turkey and mince pies one can eat before it starts to have serious repercussions on the old insides. Today's indulgence is tomorrow's regret.
9. Nor is the festive hangover
Anyone who's ever spent Christmas morning with their head in the toilet will attest.
10. Cheesy American Christmas films
Not only is every channel on TV taken over by these cringe-fests, but Netflix and all the other streaming sites are full of them too. If we have to watch another twee love story set in American suburbia over 'The Holidays', we'll scream.
11. Nobody believes you when you say you don’t want any presents
If you want something, you'd rather save up and buy it yourself. You might buy a few token gifts for people you really like, but adults making Christmas lists can, as far as you're concerned, get in the sea. So it figures you don't want or expect any gifts. "Not even one?" cries horrified Aunty Sue. No matter how much you insist, you know she'll get you some bubble bath for the tenth year running.
12. Pyjama time
Providing you don't have to navigate hundreds of family visits on Christmas Day, there's only one place you'll be: in your PJs, on the sofa, watching Netflix because there's nothing non-Christmassy on TV. It's actually kinda perfect, tbh. Bonus points if you have a family pet.
There are plenty of legitimate reasons to dread Christmas, whether that's money anxiety or the anticipation of family fall outs; but preparation is key to alleviating stress.
Christmas can send your household and credit card bills sky rocketing. With presents, festive food and Christmas parties to keep up with it feels almost impossible to cut costs.
Before you dig deep into your savings or over draft, try and work out what you really NEED to buy over the festive season. Can you come to an agreement to take a break from Christmas gifts? Or plan a soiree in your own home to avoid expensive restaurants? Or why not indulge in Secret Santa?
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Try and plan ahead for next year if you’re worried about money stresses. Put a bit of money in a savings account specifically for Christmas time that you can your family can all contribute to.
If you’re worried about getting everything done in time for Christmas try and organise your time appropriately.
Make a time table of ‘deadlines’ that you need to have completed tasks for e.g. buying presents, sending gifts abroad, ordering items online and buying your big Christmas food shop. You can also save money by being more prepared. This will calm your Crimbo nerves by a huge amount.