Betting addict: ‘I ignored my children as I gambled for 20 hours a day’

For more than a decade, Vicki Clare believed her obsession with online gambling was under control, despite spending up to 20 hours a day glued to her laptop and eventually racking up over £50,000 of debt. Her addiction was so severe that she would even prioritise placing bets over buying clothes and planning days out for her six children – and would gamble even while taking them to school.

But four years ago, part-time cleaner Vicki, 41, who lives in Romford and is mum to Heather, 24, Damian, 23, Kye, 20, Nathan, 17, Jazmine, 10, and Bella-mae, six, found the strength to overcome her addiction with the support of her husband Mike, 37, and Gamblers Anonymous.

According to research, a record number of women are addicted to gambling, with leading charities reporting a year-on-year increase of 132 per cent – believed to have been fuelled by people trying to escape the pressures of the pandemic – reaching out for help.

She says, “Betting became an emotional crutch for me, it was an escape. I adore my kids, but gambling took priority and I ignored their needs. I’d play online fruit machines on my phone on the school run, as I made their dinner, sometimes for 20 hours a day. My kids were washed and fed, but nothing past that. There were no days out or big holidays, and they had hand-me-down clothes. There was never enough money for treats like sweets or an ice cream after school. I let them down. My children lost their mum to an addiction.”

Growing up, Vicki’s mum and brother liked to gamble – either on bingo or on fruit machines. She would often go with them but wasn’t particularly bothered herself. But shortly after giving birth to her first child, Heather, in 1997, Vicki celebrated her first big win at a local bingo hall with her friend. She says, “I won £1,000 and spent the money on a new cot. Winning felt amazing, but it was the start of something terrible.

“After that, I started buying scratch cards, but I’d spend my winnings straight away, buying even more. I thought I could take it or leave it. I didn’t see it as something that can be just as destructive as drink or drugs.”

Soon, Vicki was buying up to 20 scratch cards a day – costing up to £40. She would dip into the money she had saved for her rent and bills, then turn to payday loans. Vicki’s addiction spiralled even further when she became a stay-at-home mum and turned to online bingo websites.

She admits, “I had no ‘off’ switch. I had lots of time to gamble and I was spending up to £150 a day. Over the years I became a zombie. I wasn’t present for Mike or the kids because I was always thinking about my next bet. I found ways to scrimp – Mike and I had a dinner of eggs and beans every night for three months – and our family survived financially day to day. Meanwhile, I’d always make sure that I still had a guaranteed pot of money to gamble with. I lied to my sister and my mum about why I needed to borrow money.”

With mounting debts of £50,000, Mike, a chef, began working three jobs so the family could make ends meet. Vicki’s addiction also began to impact their relationship. She says, “He was frustrated. He knew that if he gave me an ultimatum – like that he’d leave me if I didn’t stop – it would just make the situation even harder on the kids, and he didn’t want to appear controlling. He would never have asked friends or family for help as he wanted to respect my privacy.

“I would get upset and promise to try to keep things in check, and in 2015, I tried Gamblers Anonymous for eight months to try to make things better at home. But I didn’t really want to recover. I just felt like I should because of our debts.”

Vicki went back to gambling because she missed the buzz, with a stipulation from Mike that she could spend no more than £10 a day. But in a matter of weeks, her problem had spiralled again.

She says, “Life simply wasn’t manageable any more. Whether I won or lost, I just felt numb. We also had problems with our son Kye, then 13, who kept running away because of arguments at home. The police, school teachers and social workers all got involved. They asked me if I was still gambling, but for the first and only time in my life, I lied and denied I was still gambling. In that moment I realised my debts weren’t the main issue; it was me losing sight of all the other important things in my life. I was a mess, and if something didn’t change, I could lose my kids.”

It was the turning point that Vicki needed to make a permanent change. In May 2018, she began her recovery, recommitting to Gamblers Anonymous, where she has attended support meetings ever since. She says, “This time felt different because it gave me a friendship group I’d never had before – it was an opportunity to connect with like-minded people and truly learn to forgive myself for my mistakes.”

Now, Vicki is one of 50,000 women who have registered to self-exclude from all online gambling sites through GAMSTOP, a free tool for people living in the UK.

She says, “GAMSTOP has been a lifesaver. I couldn’t curb my addiction without the blockers on my phone and laptop that stop me from accessing any gambling website.

“Mike and I have paid off most of our debts, and now owe around £15,000. I’m making amends with the people I’ve hurt, and trying to be the best version of myself for the kids. I’m lucky that Mike didn’t leave me as I’ve put him through so much. My family have been amazing and we’re happier than ever now.

“I’m taking my recovery one day at a time. I want my life back and I couldn’t have made it this far without Gamblers Anonymous. I know there are women out there who might be too ashamed to reach out.

“It’s scary being honest with yourself, but admitting you have a problem is half the battle. I’m here to tell people that, once you take that first step, you’ll never look back.”

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Signs to look for

As well as gambling on a regular and ongoing basis, the following are all signs that you, or someone that you know, may be struggling with compulsive gambling.

1. Placing bets when you can’t afford to.

2. Gambling for longer than you had planned – once you’ve started, you feel compelled to keep playing until you’ve spent everything.

3. Becoming preoccupied with gambling and losing interest in other aspects of your life that were once important to you.

4. Feeling a loss of control over your urge to gamble.

5. Stealing or “borrowing” money to gamble with, or selling your possessions.

6. Inability to stop thinking about how and where you can place your next bet.

7. Gambling with increasing amounts of money in order to pay for lost bets or to achieve the desired thrill.

8. Having strained or ruined relationships as a result of your constant gambling. Poor performance and/or attendance at work.

9. Concealing the amount of money and time you spend gambling from family members and loved ones.

10. Denying that you have a problem, to yourself and those around you.

If you or someone you know is struggling, please visit gamblersanonymous