Slimmeria, if you think the name is familiar, you’re right. The diet and detox retreat and its formidable owner Galia have appeared on the TV and in the ‘papers many times. TOWIE (almost) OG Gemma Collins has visited, although her journey was cut shorter than her stint in I’m a Celeb, Emmerdale’s Lisa Riley credits the retreat with kick-starting her seven-stone body transformation, and it has featured in Four in a Bed. Check out those episodes, honestly, Galia was robbed.
Plus there’s been Extreme Diet Hotel, and my personal favourite Celebrity Extreme Diet Hotel in which Lateysha Grace from The Valleys snuck a few chips and Diags from TOWIE a whole Indian takeaway.
So, it’s famous. Or infamous, perhaps. But is it any good?
Feeling sluggish after mainling Baileys and Quality Street over Christmas and well beyond (no regrets), my sister and I packed our PE kits and headed to the one in Crowhurst, East Sussex.
Food at Slimmeria
Hands-up, I’m normally a Champneys kinda woman, and have never done anything like this before, but to me the programme is tough. The number of calories aren’t specified, Galia instead focusses on the detox element of the food provided, but I reckon it’s about 400 calories a day. There’s no getting around it: that is not much food. However, I’m a big fan of Dr Michael Mosley and a recent convert to The Fast 800 so have read a lot about the benefits of fasting on the body, so I’m game. It’s also made abundantly clear on the website what a day’s meal plan looks like, so you know what you’re getting involved with beforehand.
A typical day started with a warm lemon drink that “cuts a road” according to my sister, so be prepared for that, and a small (small!) slice of apple. At 11am there’s a juice, lunch is salad, a small (small!) amount of fruit at 4pm and at 6pm a bowl of soup. The food was – honestly – tasty, other than one plate of lunchtime red cabbage which was sad although we ate it all anyway because of course we did.
Detox at Slimmeria
If you do a three-day retreat, as we did, it’s recommended that you cut down on alcohol, red meat, wheat, gluten, dairy, caffeine and sugar for a week before you arrive which I did because I am a swot. My sister did not because she’s a rebel and suffered much more than I did, probably from caffeine withdrawal.
She’s a total warrior and powered through though to be fair.
I’m not sure that I believe in detoxing as a concept because we have kidneys however, I’m sure my body and gut microbiome appreciated the break from ultra-processed food, and my brain unquestionably benefited from the digital detox (phones and devices are only allowed in bedrooms).
Exercise at Slimmeria
The mornings are heavy on exercise staring with an 8am, enormous, quick-paced, country hike that lasted between two and three and a half hours. You must take walking boots – that’s an absolute non-negotiable. The countryside surrounding Crowhurst is incredible, with rolling fields, magic trees, and views for miles. The walks were led by two charming and chatty members of staff, Shell and Graham, the latter of whom is a sickeningly fit 72-year-old who had to help me down some muddy slopes. Humbling.
After the hike, there’s a juice then it’s straight into an hour long Hiit session before lunch. It was hard work but – honestly – a revelation to me to see just what my body could do on one small (small!) slice of apple.
Spa at Slimmeria
If you’re feeling flush, or just in need of a good rub down or bath after all that exercise, there’s a charming, candlelit spa in the basement. We had a massage (lush), a turn in the steam barrel (novel) and a go in the Epsom salts bath (welcome but nothing you couldn’t do at home). In fact, I think some of the rooms might even have a bath so take your own salts if you book one of them.
Rooms at Slimmeria
My sister and I stayed in a twin room at the top of the manor house. It was cute and the bed was mega comfortable. My sister averaged ten hours sleep a night, lucky bugger. In part, that’s because there’s a lights out at 9:30pm policy which I am all for as I haven’t had a proper sleep for over eight years (can you guess how old my eldest child is?).
The manor house is glorious, and retains lots of original features, which added to the charm of the stay. Remember though, people in the past were short, so if you’re tall, I’d mention that when booking so you can be allocated an appropriate room.
Would we book in again? Yes, I’d love to go and try it for a week next time. And lots of people do return: according to staff, 70% of their guests are returners. And one lady at our weekend retreat was on her eighth stay.
Did we lose weight? Yes, my sister lost 4lbs in three nights, and we both left feeling calm, refreshed and with a new respect for our bodies and what they could achieve. And that’s worth its weight in gold.
A three-day detox retreat at Slimmeria, East Sussex, starts at £425 per person.
Georgina Terry is group editor of Closer online and heat, and has been with the titles since 2015. She's a mum of two and would happily turn her back on the glittering world of showbiz and become a spa reviewer full time, if anyone's offering.