Not many wives discuss sex with their partner’s former spouse and stepchildren, but in Calandra Balfour’s line of work, it’s inevitable, as their extended family runs three adult stores
When Calandra Balfour tells people that she works in sex shops, it often raises a few eyebrows – but when she then says she also works with both her husband and his ex-wife, it’s even more of a conversation stopper.
What’s more, at times it’s been a full-on family affair, with both her stepchildren having worked in the shops too.
Calandra, 41, who lives with husband Tim Richardson, 59, in Brighton, near to his ex-wife Nancy Barry, 54, and their two children Taylor, 25, and Kizzy, 20, admits, “There have been some surreal moments.
“Sitting around the boardroom table discussing vibrators with your stepchildren is not a usual situation. Hearing your mum’s opinion on a sex toy is probably every son’s worst nightmare, and sometimes Taylor has told Nancy to rein it in.
“But it’s the nature of our business – we have to talk about sex, and most importantly pleasure, openly.”
She adds, “Nancy and I are really good friends and we have a lot of laughs – we discuss anything from masturbation to how long it’s been since we last had sex. The business is a success because we all really enjoy spending time together.”
Calandra started working in sex shops when she was 21.
She says, “I’ve always been open about sex. Both my parents were very liberal. My dad’s office was in Soho, so I remember peering into sex shops from quite an early age and being fascinated.
“I went to university in Sussex to study neuroscience and when I finished, a friend asked me to help out in a sex shop he ran in Brighton – I’ve never looked back.
“I love my work. A lot of it can be a bit tedious – there’s a lot more polishing of latex than people might imagine. But what’s really rewarding is talking to people and breaking down the shame of sex. So many people feel ashamed of what they like or don’t like, or their sexuality. Helping them through that and giving them a safe place to discuss what they want is really rewarding.
“I know I’m sending them home to experience pleasure – which is a great feeling.”
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Calandra started working with Tim 16 years ago in his Brighton shop, Taboo. At the time, he was still married to Nancy, who was then a stay-at-home mum. Calandra isn’t proud to admit there were a few weeks overlap, before Tim left Nancy for her.
She says, “I’d been working at the shop for a year when I got involved with Tim. I didn’t really know Nancy at that point, as she was at home looking after the children. Of course, she felt incredibly betrayed when it all came out, and we had huge rows. It took a long time to win her trust and move forward. We’ve put it all behind us now – she knows I’m sorry.”
After Calandra and Tim got together, unusually, Nancy went back to working with her ex and his new partner. Now, they have three shops between them.
Calandra explains, “It’s been a journey. There were times in the early days when, of course, we both struggled. It’s taken time to get where we are and a lot of work and understanding, especially from Nancy. I’m in awe of how she has handled things over the years!”
She adds, “Nancy has had relationships, but her boyfriends have never worked in the shop and I’m not sure we’d consider it. I think three people in this working relationship is quite enough!
“Nancy and I will have long discussions about various toys and review them – we have to know our products so we can advise customers on what works. There’s also the usual business matters, like stock control, advertising and marketing.”
When the children were old enough, Tim wanted to keep it in the family and have them work in the shops.
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Calandra says, “When Tim asked about the children working part-time over the summer holidays, I was fully on board. But anyone who works here has to be fully trained with all the toys and what they do. I’m usually the one who’s in charge of it. However, Taylor insisted that only his dad could do his training, which I was relieved about. It might have been a bit weird talking to my stepson about dildos!
“Saying that, though, I’ve always been close to both of them. In the same way my parents were always open with me, I wanted them to feel comfortable about discussing sex with us. And it’s paid off. Kizzy often asks me what the best vibrator would be for a friend’s birthday and she once brought a friend to talk to me for advice about a pregnancy scare. There’s enough shame around sex in the outside world – I don’t want any in our family.
“At the moment, they’re both pursuing different careers in music production and law – but who knows what will happen in the future. Maybe they’ll be back running the shop! They were a bit embarrassed about what their parents did for a living when they were younger, but now they’re used to it.”
When lockdown measures were introduced across the country back in March, the family were forced to close their shops. But luckily, they were able to maintain their website – and business has boomed.
Calandra says, “We’ve had a 500 per cent increase in sales! Vibrators and BDSM gear have sold especially well. A lot of people have obviously decided to experiment. I’m thrilled that we have been able to help some people though lockdown.”
And Calandra is hoping they’ll be able to open their shops again over the next few weeks by following the government’s guidelines and social distancing measures.
She says, “We have regular customers who I miss! One woman is in her nineties and she still pops in from time to time to buy a new vibrator. We have all professions come to us, from street cleaners to politicians. Nancy and I love talking through the products with them. We care about people getting pleasure and we’re known for our advice and expertise – it’s much better to be hands on!”
For more information about the family’s store and products, go to Lust.co.uk and Taboo.co.uk
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