What are cuddle cots? Help with easing the heartbreak of losing a baby

We spoke to Erica Stewart, Bereavement Support and Awareness Specialist at Sands, to answer your questions on cuddle cots. Erica, who sadly lost a baby herself, has worked at Sands for over 20 years, and even advised Coronation Street writers on the 2017 stillbirth storyline featuring Kym Marsh, who also suffered a late miscarriage herself.

A cuddle cot is a cooling pad which can be inserted into any type of baby bed – from Moses baskets to carry-cots, prams to cots – to allow the families of babies who have passed away time to grieve.Erica says: "The cuddle cots are either a unit on wheels with a refrigerated unit in the bottom of them, and then there's a mattress put on top to keep the baby cooler. Basically, they're just keeping the baby cool so that the baby's appearance doesn't change as quickly as it might do without a cuddle cot. Or if the baby or is a bit smaller, it could be placed onto a refrigerated mattress in the bottom of a Moses basket."When babies pass away in hospital, their bodies are normally taken to the hospital morgue straight away, but a cuddle cot – also known as a cold cot – allows the parents to spend time with their babies and bond with them as it slows down the natural changes in their body after death.The most popular cuddle cot at the moment is made by Flexmort, and has undergone extensive testing by hospitals to check for the possibility of infection and reduce the risk of microbial growth.

If a mother has suffered a late miscarriage or stillbirth, or if a baby has passed away later on after the birth, the family may want to use a cuddle cot to spend more time with and get to know their baby before the body is taken away.Erica says: "A cuddle cot is an extension of time, allowing bereaved parents the chance to make memories in hospital after their baby has died. When a baby dies in hospital, whether it's a stillbirth or a neonatal death, parents are now offered choices as to what they can do with their baby. It enables parents to spend longer with their baby before the baby's appearance starts to change."They're offered the choice to see and hold their baby, take photographs and hand and footprints and spend time with their baby. A lot of hospitals' maternity units in the UK now have designated bereavement rooms for parents that are away from crying babies and pregnant women so that they can spend time with their baby and not feel rushed."If your baby has died, the only memories that parents have are the ones that created in hospital."

A cuddle cot costs roughly around £1,500, but they should be available through your hospital, if they have one. It is worth asking your midwife or health professional about it if you have any questions at all, but you should be made aware of the option if it is available to you.Erica says: "A lot of bereaved parents who have used a cuddle cot may choose to raise money for their local maternity unit. A lot of maternity units only have one and bereaved parents often come out of hospital and they want to raise money for another cuddle cot. They are expensive but then it is a one-off expense."It's used at the hospital and then left at the hospital; the parents don't buy it themselves. They donate the money to the hospital, and then they purchase it."

Cuddle cots have become available in the last six years.Erica says: "Years ago, the baby was just taken away and parents were told they didn't want to see 'that' as if they'd given birth to a monster or something that was so awful that they weren't allowed to see their baby. In most cases, babies are absolutely beautiful and just look like they're sleeping. It's a positive step in the right direction."

Not all hospitals have cuddle cots available, but most hospitals will have at least one. According to Flexmort, 92% of hospitals in the UK have at least one cuddle cot.Erica says: "It's not across the board at the moment – but we know that more and more maternity units are trying to get at least one. The aim would be to have two or three."

If a parent loses their baby, they will be offered the use of a cuddle cot whilst in the hospital by their healthcare professional. They are only available through the hospital.Erica says: "The process would be that if there was one available at the hospital, the staff would be aware of it and they would be offered a cuddle cot. Parents wouldn't necessarily know to ask for one because they might not know that it's an available option. It would solely rely on the healthcare professionals looking after them to offer it as an option."Some funeral directors are starting to get cuddle cots, but it is such a cost that that's not across the board at the moment."

Yes. If your hospital has a cuddle cot available, you are allowed to take the cuddle cot home so that you can take your baby home and let other members of the family see them and spend time with them too.Erica says: "It allows parents to spend longer with their baby without feeling rushed, as they may do whilst in hospital. They also might worry that the baby's appearance is going to change so they think they only have one or two days."The parents don't have to keep the baby in the cuddle cot – they're allowed to take the baby out and take photos, maybe a lock of hair. It can also be an opportunity for other family members like other children or grandparents or even close friends to meet the baby as well."A lot of parents like to take their baby home because that's what they would have done in other circumstances. It gives them a chance to nurture their baby as they would have done – they can dress their baby, cuddle their baby, put their baby back in the cot, meet other family members."For mums, particularly when they're feeling so maternal, it gives them a chance to be maternal towards their baby. I think it's a really important change in the way that we offer that bereavement care and cuddle cots are a big part of that."

Parents-to-be are expecting to have a baby to take care of for the rest of their lives. When this isn't the reality anymore, whether they suffer a stillbirth or a neonatal death, they can be left with nothing. The cuddle cot allows grieving parents to bond with their babies and make memories that they wouldn't otherwise have been able to do.Erica says: "It gives parents in an uncontrollable situation that control – whether they want to spend time with their baby in hospital or want to take their baby home and keep it in a cuddle cot."Cuddle cots allow parents to create memories, a really important process for parents which does have an impact on their future wellbeing. If they've had a positive experience and been offered a cuddle cot and they're given time to make that decision, we know that definitely has a positive impact on their future wellbeing."The other reason might be if the mum has had surgery or a procedure after giving birth, then she can see the baby a day or two later and use the cuddle cot. Parents do really value that time and it's an important part of the care."

Bereaved parents are not forced into using a cuddle cot by any means – it is just an available option if they would like it.Erica says: "Some parents do decide not to see their baby. It's all about choice, I must stress. Parents aren't encouraged – they're offered the choice sensitively."The parents might at first decline because it's probably not something they've thought about but if they're given good advice, then they can be sensitively asked again later."It's all about normalising the experience so the parents don't think it's odd or feel isolated. More often than not, if parents are given good bereavement care and they're offered these choices and given time to make these decisions, it's not something they normally regret doing. I've never known of a parent who has regretted it."Some parents have photos taken with their babies and they might not look at the photos until later on. But a lot of parents will normally take up the offer to spend time with the baby. Or you might have one parent that wants to hold and see the baby and the other parent doesn't.""It's about choice, even if they have declined even after being asked a couple of times, we know that parents can live much better with a choice that they've made rather than one that has been forced upon them."