It’s been a year since Safiyya Vorajee and her former partner Ashley Cain lost their beautiful daughter Azaylia to acute myeloid leukaemia at just eight months old.
Their little girl’s brave fight for life touched the hearts of millions across the globe, prompting an outpouring of support and raising £1.6 million via a GoFundMe appeal for specialist treatment in Singapore.
Tragically, Azaylia’s cancer was too advanced for her to have the pioneering treatment and, despite several gruelling rounds of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant, she passed away with her parents by her side on 24 April last year.
Safiyya reveals she marked the first anniversary of Azaylia’s passing by spending it at her resting place. She tells Closer, “It’s where I feel closer to her and find most comfort. I call it Azaylia’s Garden and we filled it with white roses and lit candles for her. I spent the whole day, from the time the cemetery opened until it closed, taking the time to reflect on everything; how amazing and inspirational she was.”
Remembering Azaylia’s courage as she underwent treatment at Birmingham Children’s Hospital has helped her grieving mum cope during the past year.
“Azaylia has pulled me through,” says Safiyya. “In my weakest moments, when I get these demons in my head telling me I can’t get out of bed, I say to myself, ‘What would Azaylia do?’ She would play, smile and sit up. She would overcome obstacles the experts said she would never overcome.”
Aesthetic practitioner Safiyya, 34, also turned to counselling to cope with her grief.
She explains, “I was suffering badly from depression; I could barely shower and get dressed. Although I had a great circle around me, they were also trying to grieve and heal themselves. I’d lash out from the trauma and could see I needed professional help. I didn’t want to take medication because I knew it would just suppress the pain and I’d still have to face it. People who are grieving don’t want to forget the pain and be told to move on. It’s about holding the grief and building around it.”
She adds, “I’m still being gentle with myself and have learned to take every day as it comes. If I wake up in the morning and have to cry, I get it out. If it takes two hours to get out of bed, it takes two hours. I just keep it calm.
“If I feel I’m going to crumble, I take a breather and reset or I go to Azaylia’s Garden. Sometimes I surprise myself by conquering the whole day.”
Safiyya carries mementos of Azaylia with her every day. She has two gold heart necklaces, one with Azaylia’s finger print and another with tiny impressions of her hand and foot and date of birth.
She adds, “When I feel sad I hold her necklace and do my prayers. I’ve also got a tattoo of her face on my arm because I used to get bad panic attacks if I couldn’t see a picture of her, so I thought, ‘If I get her tattooed on to me, no one can take her away from me.”
Recently, Safiyya and former footballer andEx On The Beach star, Ashley, 31, announced they’d separated after the trauma of the past year, but they remain close friends. She says they will always be united in giving back to the community that supported them in their darkest days through The Azaylia Foundation, which they set up to support children fighting cancer and to fund research.
She says, “We’ve come through this horrendous journey together and we’re using our pain and turning it into purpose by giving people in the darkest place of their lives hope and support.”
“We’re representing all those children who have passed and those in the hospital, and their parents too.”
While Safiyya still finds it difficult to think too far ahead, she hopes to have more children and to find happiness again.
“Thinking of the future still makes me panic,” she says. “My future was with Ashley and Azaylia – they were who I was building my life for. I’m 35 this year and Azaylia would be turning two and we’d be a family.
“I’d love to give Azaylia a brother or sister and to get married, but I’m probably scared to commit. I’ve built this toughness to protect myself. I hope there is someone out there who I can build with in the future. I think I’ll get there in time.”
To coincide with the anniversary of Azaylia’s death, Safiyya and Ashely took on challenges to raise money and awareness of childhood cancer. Ashley ran 100 miles and did the Three Peaks Challenge, and they both climbed Scafell Pike in the Lake District together.
Says Safiyya, “I thought, ‘OK, I’m not fit, I’m having a terrible time, but I’m going to challenge myself and I’m going to get to the top’. I used to look at the sky and do my prayers, so when I got to the top I felt like me, Azaylia and Ashley were there together and burst into tears.”
Safiyya has also published her memoir to honour her daughter’s legacy and help other parents going through the same journey.
She says, “The other day, the Anthony Nolan charity messaged me to say that because of her story, five people have gone on to become life-saving donors. That’s five people having a second chance at life because of Azaylia.
“She’s made me a better person – she’s made me a mother, which is the best title I could ever have. Even though she was only on this planet for eight months, she achieved more in her lifetime than I ever have in mine. She gives me hope.”
Loving And Losing You, Azaylia: My Inspirational Daughter & Our Unbreakable Bond by Safiyya Vorajee is out now, Ebury Spotlight (£20). The Azaylia Foundation was created in August 2021 in memory of Azaylia Diamond Cain to help fight childhood cancer. Visit @theazayliafoundation