Roxanne Pallett: ‘All the heartache led me to the love of my life’

Her life came crashing down two years ago following Celebrity Big Brother’s infamous “punch-gate”. But despite previously feeling that she’d become “the most hated woman in Britain”, Roxanne Pallett now tells Closer it’s been the making of her.

She’d faced a huge public backlash after accusing former Corrie star Ryan Thomas of punching her with malicious intent in the ribs during a play fight on the show in August 2018. While the incident became one of the most talked about TV moments, she admitted she had “got it wrong”.

In the months that followed, the beleaguered star “went off the grid” as she underwent counselling and CBT and EMDR therapy for post-traumatic stress and panic disorder, took time out in America and slowly tried to rebuild herself.

While she’s led a relatively low profile existence since then, much has changed for Roxanne. In less than a year, she’s found love with firefighter and wrestler Jason Carrion.

The pair wed in January in front of ten guests in New York, after just nine months together, and she insists she’s “never felt happier”. In fact, reflecting on the most testing time of her life, she can’t believe how her fate has changed.

“I never thought I’d be smiling again,” Roxanne, 37, tells Closer.

“I’ve met the love of my life and I feel mentally stronger. I truly believe all the negativity I went through pushed me to this point. In a way, I’m grateful for all that went wrong, even though it was brutal. It was worth all the heartache because now I’m living my best life.”

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Roxanne and Jason met in a chance encounter when the actress needed directions in New York. He’d filed for divorce from wife Cortney Hendrix at the end of 2018 after being separated for four years following their wedding on the US version of Married At First Sight in 2014.

After Jason came to Roxanne’s aid, the pair instantly struck up a connection and spent hours getting to know each other.

She says, “I got out of a cab and there he was! An hour later we were having coffee, which turned into brunch, which led to a three-hour walk around Brooklyn. We shared stories we’d never told others – it was magic.”

Roxanne’s childhood was marred by tragedy after being trapped in a house fire aged 16, then losing her grandmother, who she lived with and who raised her, not long after to cancer, and her best friend to suicide. And Roxanne explains that the pair bonded over similar traumas.

“We both share the same regrets of hiding struggles and forcing smiles for the cameras, so we could relate to one another. He wasn’t fazed at all by anything I’d been through,” she reveals.

“The fact that Jason is a firefighter means he understands my PTSD. Like me, his dad left when he was little and he was raised by his mum, who he then lost to cancer. He’s been through a hell of a lot and those experiences bonded us on a deep level we’ve never found in anyone else.”

And she admits she had no qualms about explaining her past – including the CBB controversy – to Jason and even encouraged him to Google her. “He knows everything,” she says.

“I don’t hide anything from him, I’m so transparent. I urged him to go on the internet and read for himself, because I joked it would take forever to tell him. There’s no stone unturned – I wanted to be completely honest as I’ve had years of pretending and it was draining.

“I’ve told him my regrets, my truths, and the weight of being in the public eye for the last 15 years. He wasn’t fazed at all – he’s intelligent and compassionate and his nature is to run towards those in need of help, which is why he’s an incredible firefighter.”

And Roxanne, who ended her whirlwind engagement to one of her Instagram followers, Lee Walton, a few weeks after leaving the reality show, admits her relationship with Jason is a world away from her previous ill-fated romances.

She says, “For the first time, I’m with a man who sees me and not the perks of my fame. Jason is only interested in me for who I am, not what TV show or magazine I’ve been in. I always had one foot out the door with my exes because I never fully trusted their agenda, and I was never the real me. But I love who I am with Jason.”

Looking to the future, Roxanne readily admits she’d love to start a family. “When I met Jason, I knew instantly he would be the father to my kids,” she says.

“We laugh, because on one of his first calls as a firefighter, he had to deliver a baby in a NYC subway, so when we do have kids, I know he’ll be prepared. We both want it to happen, but we’re leaving it to fate.”

And Roxanne dismisses concerns that her engagement and wedding happened quickly. She says, “When you’re older, you’re wiser. You know what you want and what you won’t put up with. It didn’t take me long to figure out Jason was The One – and my mum and friends adore him! It’s been the best year of my life and that’s down to who is beside me.”

After leaving CBB, she was diagnosed with complex PTSD. She claimed she had been hiding a huge “breakdown” for years after being involved in a car crash two weeks before the show, triggered “erratic behaviour”.

But the star – whose weight plummeted to a size 4 in the aftermath, and who admitted to feeling suicidal at her lowest – believes time away from the spotlight has helped repair her mental and physical health. While she still has therapy for “maintenance”, she feels a world away from that troubled time.

She says, “Three years ago, I was making terrible decisions – but who hasn’t screwed up? I’m proof that you can make a mistake, break, fall from grace, then get yourself back up.

“It all fell through for me and I never thought I’d smile again or leave my house without my hood up. It’s taken a long time, and a lot of strength, but I’ve rebooted my life and I think so much more clearly.

“I’ve spent the last year fundraising for Cancer Research and helping with mental health campaigns, and that’s what I’m continuing to focus my time on. I think taking a step away from showbiz has been the biggest saving grace for me as it’s brought better people into my life and given me a healthier perspective on what’s important.”

And while she still receives vicious online comments, these days she’s emotionally equipped to deal with trolls.

She says, “My management and close friends screen most of the abusive messages, but every now and again I have to look for legal reasons. I’ve had messages urging me to die and threatening to hurt my loved ones.

“Before, that would have floored me, but now I’m bulletproof. I used to feel sick or cry but now I feel sorry for those people who still target me. They must be struggling to carry that much hostility.”

While she’s been a regular on our TV screens, appearing on Emmerdale and Waterloo Road, Roxanne no longer speaks to any of her former co-stars. In fact, she admits she doesn’t have any celebrity friends, and no longer cares about fame.

She says, “I didn’t like who I was when I was in showbiz. For ten years I was on a treadmill of validation and vanity. I had a lot of disposable friendships. After CBB, I was ghosted and blocked by people who I’d had dinner with two weeks earlier.

“When you’re winning at life, you’re surrounded by everyone, but when you’re not, they disappear. The friends I’ve made in America don’t care about my past or the headlines, they like me for who I am today.”

Though Roxanne does reveal she’s forged an unlikely friendship with Piers Morgan. She admits the GMB presenter – who is notorious for his divisive opinions – became one of her closest allies in the aftermath of CBB.

She explains, “Piers has always been supportive and kind to me and I respect his honesty. He was sending me encouragement and checked in with me every week to see how I was at my lowest point, while others in the industry were publicly shaming and ridiculing me.”

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Roxanne went travelling across America last year to clear her head and because she felt unwanted in the UK.

“I didn’t feel welcome in England. I was hounded, ridiculed and vilified for over a year,” she says. “I felt like the country was against me. For a long time, I felt exiled and was being told to disappear by online bullies.”

Drawing on recent events, she admits she can identify with Meghan Markle and Prince Harry, who decided to leave their home in the UK to start a new life in Canada.

She adds, “In a way, I can understand why Meghan left. I’m so happy she’s had the inner strength to say, ‘I’m not happy here, let’s make a change.’ I’d encourage anyone who is going through a tough time to have faith that things can turn around as they have for me.”

You can read more celebrity news in this week's Closer magazine - out now.