She revealed she’d sadly suffered a heartbreaking miscarriage earlier this month, posting on social media, “I may have only held you in my womb for a moment, but I will hold you in my heart forever.”
And in an exclusive interview, Aisleyne Horgan-Wallace reveals she had “never been more ready to have a baby,” before miscarrying at eight weeks. The reality star has tragically suffered six miscarriages over the years, but after falling pregnant with her partner, whose identity she’s never revealed, she believed this time she was set to become a mum.
Aisleyne, 43, tells Closer, “At first, I didn’t want to tell anyone until I’d reached three months because of my history, but we had a really good feeling this was going to be fine. We imagined everything, we were choosing buggies, talked about names, and thought about which room would become the nursery. Even though it was so early on, we were so excited and ready. I really wanted this baby and believed it was my time.”
After suffering three consecutive miscarriages, during her mid-twenties, including one at six months, which meant she had to give birth while knowing her baby hadn’t survived, doctors confirmed she suffered from rhesus negative, a rare blood disease that threatens her chances of carrying a baby full-term.
Aisleyne, who shot to fame in Big Brother in 2006, began to suspect something was wrong three weeks ago when she started spotting blood. She says, “I panicked when I saw blood, and went straight to the early pregnancy clinic, but a scan showed the baby was OK and moving around. It was a massive relief, I got on with the rest of my week and thought everything was fine. But days later I had excruciating pain, like a tummy bug and period pain mixed together, all down my leg too. You can pass your baby on the toilet, and I saw it right there on the tissue, I knew what was happening. It was horrific and the pain was unbearable.”
And Aisleyne says the emotional side has been a “roller coaster.” She recalls, “The pain subsided after a week, but I’ve felt completely drained, and often in shock and disbelief. Grief isn’t linear, some days I’m up and on others, nothing makes sense, and I start asking myself what went wrong. The pregnancy hormones leave your body, and sometimes I’ve had a glimpse of the ‘old Aisleyne’ but then the gravity of what’s happened hits you and just feel doom and gloom. I’m lucky my close friends have been reaching out to me.
“My dad, who I adore, has been taking good care of me. I gain so much strength from people on social media, my followers have been like a huge support network and sharing their own experiences.”
While she’s still coming to terms with her loss, Aisleyne has started to think about the next steps and admits she feels anxious over her biological clock. She explains, “After each trauma of a miscarriage, I tend to put it behind me and move on with life without really delving into what could be going wrong. When I was younger, I thought, I’ll worry about it later and just get on with my career, but now that I’m 43, I can’t put it in a box and push it to the back of my mind anymore. I have to confront it face on otherwise it could be too late.”
The star is now in Dubai to meet with experts from a recommended fertility clinic. She says, “I have no trouble conceiving, but something repeatedly keeps happening along the line. I’m hoping the experts will be able to figure out what it is and give me advice.”
Though Aisleyne remains hopeful she’ll be able to have a baby naturally, she hasn’t ruled out other options to have a child. She explains, “At one stage, I nearly started fostering. I did all the courses and got accepted to become a foster mum, but then I had an incident where three masked gunmen came into my home [in March 2019] and I had to move, so it went on the back-burner. I think it’s amazing there are so many options to become a mum, whether it’s IVF or adoption. I have huge maternal instincts and will do what it takes. It’s easy to feel defeated when this is happening, but I’m not one to be defeated. I really want to have a child and give back to the earth. I’m going to look after my health physically and mentally so that I’m strong enough to go through the trials of trying to get there again.”
And Aisleyne beams, “I think I would make the best mum ever. I’d raise a real beacon of society, a true king or queen – someone who is going to be forthright and help others and make a difference. Hopefully one day I will get the chance to.”
