Shock, sadness, guilt -even anger, are all a natural part of the grieving process.
How to deal with the stages of mourning a suicide
Denial and Isolation
Do not cut yourself off from loved ones, especially if they are going through the same thing. It's natural to not understand how the world can continue, and surrounding yourself with people who are experiencing the same emotions will help you come to terms with it.
Talking to other people is crucial," says Professor Keith Hawton from the Centre for Suicide Research, University of Oxford. "Sharing your feelings with other people can be extremely therapeutic."
Looking for answers
"The grieving process is characterised by questioning and a search for an explanation," Hawton explains. "There’s a tendency to think about a single cause for each death, but that’s rarely the case.
"Cases are often complex. There may be a trigger for the event but studies show there are often several factors. These may be historical, family and genetic, for example."
"Nonetheless, searching for an explanation is useful and essential," he says. "People get to a point where the death makes more sense to them and that’s part of the healing process."
Guilt/ Self blame
You might replay "what if" and "if only" scenarios in your mind, blaming yourself for your loved one's death. Speak to someone to get a realistic perspective on those feelings.
"There is often a considerable sense of guilt and shame," says Hawton. "Suicide is still a stigmatised topic, although, thankfully, attitudes are changing."
Anger
Mental health professional Dr. Phil McGraw says: "Chances are, you are angry at the choice, not the person " and it was your loved one who made that choice, not you. Had you known that he/she was going to commit suicide, you would have done what you could to stop it.
"Accept that you couldn't change what happened and did the best you could with what you knew at the time. If you are burdening yourself with misplaced guilt, you are in effect confining yourself to an emotional prison."
Feelings of suicide/ despair
Hawton advises to accept there will be a grieving process, and not to rush yourself. There will be painful reminders, setbacks, and good and bad days. Ease the process by speaking to family, friends or asking your GP to refer you to a counsellor. Remember there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
"Suicidal thoughts usually pass with time, but it’s vital to seek professional help if they become very strong," says Hawton.
Acceptance
Don't rush yourself. Your life has changed, and healing will occur at its own process. Once you feel ready, accept that you are continuing your life- without forgetting that amazing person- but also without guilt.
Dr Phil says: Give yourself permission to say, "It's OK to be mad at what he/she did." You experienced a devastating loss, but you didn't choose it. Give yourself permission to move on." Celebrate the life they had and the moments you shared together.
Contact the Samaritansfor further help and advice