He's thinking about his fears
If you have something men find intimidating – big, bouncy breasts, a face identical to an ex-girlfriend he can’t quite get over, a job that earns twice what his pays, legs that seem far too beautiful to wrap around his paunchy tummy – you may experience the opposite problem to what is common perception.
But I honestly do think sex that means something to him, that might lead to a relationship, can be more daunting for him than it is you.
Rather than fighting off his advances, you may have to be the one to make them. I’m not talking a one-night-stand – hell, he’ll be ripping that dress off the second you’re in the front door. But I honestly do think sex that means something to him, that might lead to a relationship, can be more daunting for him than it is you.
Why? Well, his first worry is if his penis is big enough. It’s out there remember, not coyly hidden like our parts. Then there’s the worry of said penis maybe not working when he most, desperately, needs it to. Again, we can fake excitement, he can’t. Or maybe it will work but too well and it’s over too quickly. He might be able to fake an orgasm but you can’t fake an erection after you’ve just had one.
And all that’s before he’s had time to worry about what’s going on with you and your bits. Say he can’t find your clitoris and rubs the wrong bit and you think he’s just an idiot. Because it’s not like he can ask for directions now is it? He’s a bloke! This is why the next point is also critical.
He's thinking about not knowing what to do
He won’t want to admit it but he’s depending on you to take charge a little. He wants directions and wants to give you pleasure but he doesn’t want to ask for fear of looking stupid. Every man you sleep with wants to be the best you’ve ever had for both selfish (ego) and sweet (he really does want you to be sexually satisfied) reasons.
This isn’t just a male thing, we’re just as guilty as men are for thinking we’re somehow born great lovers. But society also casts men in the ‘boss’ role. Again, intellectually, we both know that got thrown out along with him being the sole breadwinner, but it’s still hovering in the background, waiting to step forward when he feels under pressure.
Now, while I’m all for giving specific instruction in bed, sometimes it’s a good idea to disguise it, particularly at the start when egos are at their most fragile. An easy way to do this is to deliver instruction while complimenting. ‘God, that feels fantastic,” before you put your hand over his to show him how you really like it done, then ‘And that feels amazing’ when he gets it right. The serious power point slide presentation complete with laser pointer can come later. (That’s a joke, by the way).
He's thinking about how big he is
Chances are you’ve figured this one out all by yourself. Every time a woman looks in the mirror and asks herself, ‘Do I look fat in this?’, a man looks downward and wonders ‘Am I big enough?’. The ‘official’ length of an erect penis is hotly contested (perhaps because so many of the people measuring care so much, one hair over an inch counts as an extra one) but an accepted average is five and a half inches (with the range spanning 5 to 7 inches). A flaccid penis comes in (ahem) at around 3.7 inches (ranging between 2 to 4).
Interestingly, since width is what women see as more significant (nearly all the sensitive nerve endings are in the first inch of the vagina and a wider penis touches more of the walls), there’s far less contention over this one.
A man looks downward and wonders ‘Am I big enough?
The diameter of a flaccid penis is around 1.25 inches, erect he swells to 1.6. His penis is all grown up by the time he turns 17, by the way, and while you actually can’t predict how big he’ll be by looking at his nose, hands or feet, whipping down Dad’s trousers might do the trick since heredity and genetics do appear to influence penis size.
What’s also true is the ‘shower’ (bigger than the rest of the lads when unexcited, hence the desire to show it off in the locker room) or ‘grower’ (catches up when he is aroused and the lads are no longer around to see it – well, unless he’s gay) theory.
It is indeed true that you can’t tell how big he might be erect by looking at him flaccid. Most men way over estimate the average size, few realise one-size-fits-all because vaginas are elastic.
He's thinking about how to make sex dirtier
We spend our lives desperately trying not to be the slutty girl he can’t take home to meet Mum, forgetting the slutty girl is the one he can’t wait to show off to the lads at the local. While I wouldn’t suggest you turn up to your next date looking like you’d put the TOWIE’s to shame, I would suggest you do this: be ‘nice girl’ (marriage material) in public and ‘bad girl’ (fantasy material) in private.
Behave like a ‘wife’ if you want to in front of others but do both of you a favour and act like a mistress when you’re not!