Divorced but dating: the dos and don’ts

You’ve ditched the ex for good, got a new haircut, bought a sizzling hot dress, and are about to embark on your first post-divorce date.


by Jessica Anais Rach |
Published on

Before you put that (slightly unsteady) newly heeled foot through the door, read our top ten tips for any rusty daters.

First and foremost- ensure you are ready

It may seem obvious, but make sure you are emotionally ready to move on. Turning up to a rendezvous and ordering him the steak ‘medium-well because that’s how Bob liked it’, before sobbing your heart out to the horrified date is not going to score you points.

No prospective flame wants to hear about how Mr Smith would leave his dirty socks on the floor

Do some online flirting to assess how ready you really are.

Talk of the ex is strictly off-limits

Even if you despise the old man, no prospective flame wants to hear about how Mr Smith would leave his dirty socks on the floor or clipped his toe nails at the table.

This will have him running off faster than a rabbit on Speed.

This chapter of your life is closed and you want to signal that there is a clean slate ready for him. Instead, focus on positive topics such as your career and hobbies.


Don’t give him the Spanish inquisition

He is not your ex. Questioning him over his estimated consumption of beer/ football/ porn will scare him off.

As with normal dates, you don’t want a man to feel you are scoping him out as daddy/ stepdaddy material on your first date. Ask him questions about himself, but keep it casual. You are still exploring your options.

This leads me onto the next complicated topic. Kids

If you have children from your marriage, you may see dating as more than just casual. When seeking a future partner to introduce to your children, you will naturally approach dating differently.

If you’ve met someone on match.com, you will have presumably included any information on your children and level of ‘wltm’ (would like to meet) seriousness on your profile. In this case, share information about your children, and assess his reaction and interest. But don’t let it lead the date.

‘I like brandy and have three children’

However if you’ve just dragged an unsuspecting suitor off the dance floor for a more intimate drink, starting the conversation with ‘I like brandy and have three children’, is perhaps not the best form of attack. Assess what you both want from this tryst, and cross that bridge if it gets to that stage.

Don’t give away too much

You may be used to talking about the details of your bowel movements to the ex, but that happened over the years because there was nothing left to talk about.

Leave some mystery, and leave him wanting more.

Let’s talk about sex. Or not

You may (or may not you lucky minx) have the odd cobweb in your lady garden, but he doesn’t need to know this. Coming onto him like some sex-starved, wild-eyed cave woman is not a turn on.

Be sexy, but leave the sex talk till the next date at least.

Don’t eye up other men/ women/dogs

It may have been a while, but stay calm. You have all the time in the world to work your way through whoever takes your fancy.

In the mean time, enjoy getting to know your current date.

Don’t pull out restaurant discount vouchers

You’re not at the comfy married stage yet, that warrants a 2for1 pizza express voucher along with an orange Wednesday code.

Offer to go Dutch on the bill, but don’t argue if he wants to be a gentleman and foot the bill. You’re worth it L’oreal hair flick.

Hands off the mobile

Don’t be antisocial. However tempted you are to take a secret picture of your hot young love-buddy and text it to your girlfriends, that love bunny will hop off if you appear disinterested and preoccupied. Give him all your attention, and demand the same.

You are free as a bird (or teenager) again! Enjoy it while you can.

Don’t get attached too quickly

The date is over and has gone amazingly. You may have already planned your next wedding dress–quietly I hope- but easy tiger.

You are used to the comfort of a long-term relationship and may be pinning all your hopes on your first suitor to avoid the scary world of singledom. Explore this new world and don’t commit too quickly. You don’t want this liaison go to the same way as the first!

Above all: Have fun! You are free as a bird (or teenager) again! Enjoy it while you can.

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