There are 5 main stages to dealing with grief. It is normal to jump around within the process but the following emotions will surface as you come to terms with what has happened and figure out how to move forward without them.
-
Denial - As you struggle to believe they are gone forever and you will never see them again. You try to carry on with normal life and suppress your negative emotions
-
Anger – Anger builds as you resent the fact that this is out of your control and especially with untimely deaths it seems so unfair
-
Bargaining – You will do anything to change the situation and get stuck in a maze of questions like “what if…?” and “if only…?”
-
Depression – A period of intense sadness as we start to face our present reality. Deep feelings of grief and emptiness. Often asking questions such as “is there any point in going on without them?”
-
Acceptance – Learning to live with the fact that life has changed forever and how to enjoy life again.
Living without someone in your life that you loved and were close too will take a big adjustment.
It can take time to move through the different stages but the journey will be smoother if you bear the following in mind:
-
It is ok to ask for help from friends, family, health professionals or a specialist coach.
-
Surround yourself with good people who are comfortable to be around you whilst you are grieving and who will be a positive influence on you
-
Take one day at a time
-
It’s ok to cry and grieve your loss. It is all part of your healing process.
-
Understand that there will be days that you struggle more than others and they may not follow any set pattern. This is normal and to be expected.
-
Plan your days to keep yourself active so you don’t find yourself at home alone for long periods of time
-
Regular exercise will help you to keep a stronger mind – even if it’s just a walk round the block
-
Trust that this will get easier with time
-
Remember that your loved one would want you to move forward and be happy again when you are ready as you would if the tables were reversed. Don’t feel guilty as you start to heal and carry on with your life.
-
Start to plan things that you enjoy so you have something positive to look forward to.
Sadly there is no magic wand to take away the pain and it will take time to heal. If you follow the tips above it will smooth the path a little and having that good support team around you will be worth its weight in gold.
Words by Sara Davison, a leading life, relationship and separation coach in the UK. She has created a unique programme to support individuals with the tools, techniques and advice needed to journey through relationship difficulties, separation and divorce.
*Visit www.saradavison.com for more information.