Amy Balmer has undergone an incredible transformation – but while everyone else is inspired by her, she’s been left disappointed
Four years ago, Amy Balmer was morbidly obese. At just 5ft 1, she weighed over 17st and size 24 clothes were tight on her. She was terrified she would die from an obesity-related illness and leave her daughters without a mother.
But now she’s attending a slimming group, has lost a whopping 6st, and can comfortably wear a size 12. But despite being happy that she’s healthier, she still hates her appearance – and struggles even to look in the mirror.
Amy, 35, who lives near Gloucester with her fiancé Darren, 40, an engineer, and her two daughters, says, “I still feel like the big girl inside, and although I’ve got a wardrobe full of new clothes, I hardly ever wear them, preferring to hide myself in my old clothes, which are now huge on me.
"I thought losing weight would change my life and make me feel like a new person. I imagined wearing slinky clothing and not having a worry in the world. But it’s not that simple. If anything, I feel more self-conscious and still see myself as a size 24.
“I was good at doing an impression of being a ‘fat and happy’ girl – I’d been doing that all my life. Now I feel lost and disappointed.”
Amy says she always remembered being bigger than her friends. When she was only 10, she went on her first holiday to Spain and was already wearing adult size 10 clothes.
Amy, who works in retail, says, “I don’t recall eating a lot of junk food when I was younger – my mother was quite firm that sweets were once a week and takeaways were a huge treat. But I ate huge portions and loved food.
“I had good friends and always portrayed myself as being at ease with how I looked. But I was very self-conscious and would wear T-shirts over my swimsuits. When I was 13, I was wearing a size 14 and was teased about my weight. I shrugged it off and pretended I wasn’t bothered, and I’d make jokes about how there were never leftovers when I was around.”
Check out: takeaways and fast food - what are the healthiest things on the menu?
Closer Healthy Takeaway Options
1 of 9Nando's healthy options
Simon says the best option at the famed chicken restaurant is actually their fillet steak and chargrilled veg pitta, which comes in at just 432 calories.
2 of 9Dominos healthy option
Fancy a bit of pizza? Simon advises you lay off the meaty toppings and stick to a classic cheese and tomato on a medium classic crust. Only 137 calories per slice.
3 of 9Five Guys healthy option
The American burger chain's menu may have a whole host of calorific burgers but if you stick to the bunless hotdog (just 210 calories) and a side salad, Simon insists you won't do your diet a disservice.
4 of 9Fish and chip shop healthy option
Let's face it, battered fish is never going to be one of your five a day. But Simon suggests ordering the fish without the chips and instead opting for a salad, bringing the calorie total to a moderate 559. Simon adds, "You can always go with the grilled fillet of fish if they have that option and that would reduce the amount of calories."
5 of 9Chinese takeaway healthy options
Put down the prawn crackers. There's lots of heavy options on a Chinese takeaway menu but Simon suggests sticking to the crispy chilli beef (380 calories per portion) or a simple chicken chow mein, which is 361 calories.
6 of 9Indian takeaway healthy option
Some curries are full of butter or cream, which make them delicious but not very good for our waistlines. Simon suggests a prawn balti curry (at 277 calories) and just one poppadom with a simple side salad.
7 of 9Burger King healthy options
Think you can't have a burger? Think again. Simon says go for their hamburger at 250 calories but skip the fries and stick to a garden salad. Alternatively, you could go for their crispy chicken salad, which is 210 calories, or six nuggets with a side salad - 305 calories.
8 of 9KFC healthy options
If you're craving a chicken burger, Simon advises going for the Mini Fillet which is 280 calories. Swerve the fries and go for a plain salad. You could also try the Zinger Rice Box which is 485 calories or the Zinger salad for 380 calories.
9 of 9McDonald's healthy options
Why not try the Garlic Chicken Mayo wrap? It's o345 calories. Or you could go for the Crispy Chicken Salad which is only 265 calories. Opt for the fajita style dressing at 21 calories.
It was when Amy moved in with her boyfriend Gareth at the age of 17 that her weight spiralled.
She says, “Neither of us liked cooking but both of us loved food, so we’d have a takeaway almost every night. And if we weren’t ordering in a Chinese banquet or large pizza each, it would be a calorie-laden ready meal. I’d even prepare for our binges by putting on stretchy trousers!
“But I had a job that I loved as a supervisor in a jewellery shop, really good friends, and my life was happy and easy.”
When Amy fell pregnant with Scarlett, she happily ate for two, and ballooned to a size 20. Sadly, she and Gareth grew apart and their relationship broke down. She later went on to have a second daughter with a new partner.
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Months after the split, she met Steve* online. Their relationship started happily, but as it fell apart he would make comments about her weight, which destroyed her confidence. Amy recalls, “He would tell me I was so fat that nobody else would ever love me.”
After 18 months, Amy ended the relationship. And nearly four years ago, she started afresh. She has a new job in retail and began her weight-loss journey.
She says, “It took a long time to believe I was worth anything and deserved to be truly happy.”
At her heaviest, Amy weighed over 17st. But since she joined Slimming World in May 2016, the weight has gradually come off – losing an average of 2lbs a week.
Over two years ago, Amy met her current partner Darren. He lived nearby and they got chatting when they kept bumping into each other.
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She says, “He’s wonderful, he tells me every day how much he loves me and that I’m beautiful.
“It’s an incredible relationship. He proposed to me at New Year and we’re hoping to get married in 2021.
“On paper, I’ve done really well. I’m now down to 11st – just a stone away from my target weight. But it’s as though my brain has to catch up with my new body.
“I definitely have issues; I hate eating in public and despite buying lots of new clothes in a size 12, I never wear them, as I feel too self-conscious. I can’t bear looking at myself in the mirror.
“A part of me regrets ever losing the weight. In a way it was easier being the ‘fat and happy’ one – that was my identity for most of my life. Now, I don’t know who the new me is, and I’m really struggling.
“Before, I would happily walk down the street eating a packet of crisps or a sausage roll. I was so big I felt invisible. Now, there is no way I’d do that. I’d feel exposed and would be scared of being judged, which sounds crazy after I’ve done so well.
“Eventually I know I’ll appreciate how I look, as well as the fact that I’m so much healthier. It’s just going to take time to adapt.
“I couldn’t even walk up the stairs before without getting out of breath. But the other day I was with my children at the park and I loved going down the slides with them and bouncing on the trampoline. That makes it worth it, and I have to keep reminding myself of that.”