Post-natal depression mother reveals she fantasised about killing her baby

Young mum Lyndsey Walker has revealed that she suffered form such bad post-natal depression that she fantasised about killing her baby.


by Fiona Day |
Published on

20-year-old Lyndsey was crippled by depression following the birth of her daughter, Elizabeth, and she was terrified that her baby would be taken away from her.

At her lowest point, Lindsey suffered from psychosis and had visions of killing her baby girl.

She told the MailOnline: 'A deep male voice started talking to me, coming to me at times I couldn't predict. He told me I was so bad at being a mum that Elizabeth would be better off if I were dead.’

Lyndsey revealed: 'I had visions of smothering Elizabeth with a pillow, which I believed would make the voice leave me alone, although I never came close to hurting her.'

‘Over time, things became unbearable. Washing, dressing and feeding Elizabeth was just a chore. Andy and my mum Amanda could tell I was suffering so they asked me to go and see a doctor.'

The post-natal depression started having a detrimental effect on Lyndsey’s health.

Lyndsey says she struggled to connect to her baby
Lyndsey says she struggled to connect to her baby

'I wasn't sleeping very much and was very shaky. I was terrified that if the doctor heard about the voice then Elizabeth would be taken away from me.’

Lyndsey started getting more regular symptoms of psychosis.

'The voice told me that Elizabeth was sent by the devil. Then, when I began fantasise about hurting her, I knew it was time to seek help.’

Lyndsey turned to her mum when she realised she couldn’t get through the depression without professional help.

She said: ‘I told mum everything and she took me back to the doctor, who diagnosed postpartum psychosis and prescribed anti-depressants and anti-psychotic medicine. But by then I was doing everything to voice told me to do.’

Lyndsey ended up having to stay in hospital and the time away from baby Elizabeth.

The young mum revealed: ‘Being away from her had an effect I didn't expect - I started longing to be with her. It was the first sign of a change within me.'

As Lyndsey started to win over her illness, her natural maternal instincts took hold.

'I knew I loved her and would do anything for her,’ she said.

Lyndsey is hoping that by sharing her story she can help others who suffer from post-natal depression to take the steps to seek help.

'What I went through was terrible and even though it's rare it can happen to anyone.

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