‘I wish I’d never had my kids’

"It doesn’t get easier, even now they’re older"

mum who regrets her kids

by Daisy McClure |
Updated on

Clare Macnaughton, 49, has two children, Ben, 17, and Bella, 14. She’s separated from their father Pete, 50. She says, “I totally understand where Kelly Brook is coming from – I wish I hadn’t had children. I never planned to get married, let alone start a family. My plans were to travel the world. But then I met Pete and fell in love.

“We got married in 2001 and were on holiday in 2002 when I realised I’d missed a period, and a test confirmed the worst – I was pregnant. Our holiday had been wonderful, and I felt that I’d opened the doorway into hell by getting pregnant. It didn’t feel right to have a termination – we were married and could cope financially. And we’d been irresponsible not using contraception. I felt we just had to step up. I presumed that just because I couldn’t hear my biological clock ticking, it would kick in eventually.

mum who regrets having her kids closer magazine story
Clare with her children Bella (left) and Ben (middle)

“But I hated every moment of being pregnant, I felt sick constantly and put on 5st. My labour was horrendous, and it ended with an emergency C-section. Ben was born in June 2003. I loved him immediately, but he didn’t sleep for three years and I was absolutely exhausted.

“I was stuck at home with a screaming baby rather than travelling and enjoying my job in PR and as a writer. From the moment I gave birth, the nurses called me ‘Mum’, not Clare – an illustration of how completely you lose your identity.

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“Despite how I felt, I went on to have Bella. I was an only child and had wished for siblings, so I wanted that for Ben. I also thought, ‘In for a penny, in for a pound’ – my life was already a far cry from what I’d always wanted it to be, so I thought I might as well make it a bit worse. This time pregnancy and birth were far easier, and thankfully she slept better so I wasn’t as tired.

“Sadly, Pete and I split up in 2010 – for many reasons, but the kids and the stress they brought upon us did play a part.

“It doesn’t get easier, even now they’re older. I’ve just swapped crying babies for hormonal teens. I’m tied down to routines, which bores me.

“I love my children, but I do regret having them. I’d prefer to have my previous life. I have mentioned that to them, and they think I’m joking!

“Having children is a life-long commitment. You can’t put them back. I wish there was more of an acceptance that motherhood isn’t for everyone.”

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