Car lover confesses: “I have sex with my car”

carlover

by Closer staff |
Updated on
Man and car
©Shutterstock - this is a stock image

Like many men, Jordan Witham is obsessed with his car. But while most boy racers would draw the line at a wax and polish, his obsession has gone into overdrive

“I don’t fancy people,” says Jordan. “It’s cars that do it for me – I don’t want to marry or have kids.”

Despite never having kissed a girl before, virgin Jordan has become an experienced lover, covering his car with kisses and caresses before having penetrative sex with the exhaust pipe.

Jordan’s mum, Debbie, 53, doesn’t know about her son’s habit but his dad, David, 50, a door installer, does – and amazingly hasn’t tried to put the brakes on his relationship.

Jordan has two cars, Ingo and Todd.

Jordan car lover
©VH1

Speaking of Todd, he said: “He’s very masculine. When I first bought him, I felt like I was cheating on Ingo, but now we all work well together.

“I have to sneak outside in the middle of the night to have sex with him.”

“I have sex with Ingo more than Todd because Todd is kept in the driveway, not in the garage,” he explains.

Jordan says: “I enjoy my life. If I end up an old man, living on my own with just my cars, I’ll be happy.”

NOW FEAST YOUR EYES ON KATIE PRICE'S MOST WTF MOMENTS

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Katie Price WTF moments

Katie price1 of 20

When she took 17-year-old Gareth Gate's virginity

Katie was pregnant with Harvey at the time, and Gareth was on Pop Idol. Katie said of the 'three-second' event: "[He was] shaking so much his trousers practically fell off his legs."

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CREDIT: Getty

Her VERY unique way of telling the world Peter Andre was her bae

Forget name necklaces or even having your O/H's name tattooed across your heart - Katie proved Peter was her bae by flashing her pants. Obvs.

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CREDIT: Shutterstock

The fact she's yet to change her will since Peter Andre marriage

"If I died now Pete would get everything and Junior, Princess and Harvey, So let's just hope nothing happens." Very wise Katie, very wise.

Katie price4 of 20

... and then ruined his career

Soon after the shocking news of their rendezvous hit the headlines, Gareth took a break from showbiz. A break that is still going, it would appear. Never mess with the Pricey, eh?

Katie price5 of 20

When she went out dressed up like cross-dressing ex husband Alex Reid

In her autobiography Katie tore into Alex's 'weird and kinky' fetishes, saying: ''Think of the most disturbing s**t you could imagine, and times that by ten. Only then are you getting close to what I witnessed and what Alex wanted me to join in with."

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The fact she is considered a best-selling author, despite not writing a single line

All of her books (30+ of the bloody things!) were written by ghostwriter Rebecca Farnworth, who sadly passed away from cancer in 2014.

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That time she tweeted that Jane Pountney will 'open her legs to your husbands.'

After news emerged in 2014, that Jane Pountney had slept with her husband Kieran Hayler, Katie went on a MASSIVE Twitter rant. In one post she wrote: "I hope anyone who still wants to be friends with jane w_**_ pountney now realises she is not loyal who will open her legs 2 ur husbands".

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CREDIT: Shutterstock/ITV

When she told Loose Women fans she's a proud owner of a diamond-encrusted but plug

Katie was marched out of the studio when she also told viewers her favourite lubrication is 'spit'. This caused the hashtag 'spit' to trend on Twitter. Lovely.

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CREDIT: Twitter

That time she got naked at a work Christmas party and called everyone a 'f***ing little sh*t'

Katie was paid over £15k to appear at a Christmas do, but got a bit too drunk and started effing and blinding at the poor guests. She also stripped off naked in the loos and declared her undying love for Dane Bowers. Christmas parties bring out the worst in us, right?

Katie price10 of 20

The time she TORE into arch-enemy Jodie Marsh

KP took to Twitter to hit back at Jodie, writing: "Don't knock mothers like me, there's lots of us. Didn't you go out with my exes names written all over your body, marking them out of ten after you shagged them (classy)? Well, you've shagged nearly all my leftovers and not one of them wanted you (gutted)."

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CREDIT: ITV

When she repeated the N word on telly

During an appearance on This Morning, the former model was slammed by fans for using the N word when discussing the abuse her son Harvey faced from trolls.

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CREDIT: Getty

When she wanted to represent Great Britain in Eurovision

How can we possibly forget Katie Price's infamous Eurovision bid where she performed in a crystal sequinned pink catsuit?

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CREDIT: Shutterstock

The revelation that she wanted to name her daughter Disney

Katie explained how she decided on Bunny's name in her tell-all book Reborn, saying: "At one point I wanted to name her 'Disney', but I didn't really want her growing up thinking she'd been named after a theme park!"Katie also burst out of a giant egg at the book launch. Naturally.

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CREDIT: Instagram

That time her #TBT was a sexy snap of her baby bump during labour!

There's no denying that KP knows how to make headlines! Who even thinks to take a raunchy labour pic? We have to admit, she does look incredible though!

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CREDIT: Instagram

She had a wild night out with Arg from Towie

Katie let her hair down on a midweek night out with Towie royalty James Argent in Sheesh restaurant and gave the lucky man a lap dance.

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That time she suggested Kelly Brook lacked skills in the bedroom

When Katie and Kelly were dating the same guy - rugby player Danny Cipriani - things turned nasty. Katie tweeted: "I'm sure Kelly wouldn't be laughing if I said the things Danny said to me about her in the bedroom when I was with him haha."

Katie Price17 of 20

When she tweeted a cryptic message on Joe Hart's wedding day

On the day footballer Joe Hart married Kimberly Crew in 2015, Pricey tweeted: "All Harts go out to the married couple is he going to tell her the truth about us?" She quickly deleted the tweet... but by then it was too late.

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That time she dressed up as a unicorn

KP stole the show dressed as a human unicorn, complete with pink horse and Kieran Hayler in matching attire for the launch of Katy Price's Pony Club in 2016.

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CREDIT: ITV

That time she threatened to expose '52 screenshots' of flirty texts with Chris Hughes

In one of the most bizarre celeb fueds in recent reality TV history, Katie Price and Chris Hughes had an epic bust up last year culminating in KP threatening to expose screenshots of flirty texts.It all started with some harmless flirting, but then Katie denied Chris' claims she had sent him some saucy messages. He then named and shamed her on Twitter and posted messages she had sent him on Instagram and WhatsApp.Just when we thought all the drama was over the mum-of-five warned the reality star at her show An Audience With, she said: "Some celebrities should be careful with what they say and not out people."It will come back and bite them on the bum. Do you know what I mean?"

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When she revealed how to join the mile high club

Katie opened up about getting frisky a 30,000 feet up in the air during an interview with The Sun's Fabulous magazine.Speaking about having sex on an aeroplane with new boyfriend Kris Boyson, she said: "Yes! [But] not in the toilet that's so obvious."You just do it other ways don't you? Put the blanket over you, little...yeah."

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