Does size matter? Probably not, to be honest - although, for those who DO prize size above all else, these latest findings are sure to be very interesting indeed.
Six inches has long been thought of as the accepted norm for the length of a man’s baguette.
But new research has revealed that the average trouser-snake is, actually, an inch smaller.
Analysis of 17 studies involving over 15,500 men (and their penises / peni) revealed that the average length of an erect salami is around 5.16 inches.
That’s 13.12 centimetres, for those using the metric system.
If a man’s gearshift is flaccid, however, it’ll be around 3.6 inches (or 5.21 inches when stretched - ouch).
For those who are more interested in girth than they are in length (and we imagine that may be more than a few of you), it’s worth pointing out that the average circumference of an erect ding dong is 4.59 inches.
And the average circumference of a flaccid peen? Well, somewhere around 3.66 inches - but who’s measuring, eh?
Well, Dr Veale, of King's College London and South London and Maudsley NHS Foundation Trust, actually HAS been busy measuring.
And he said: "We believe these graphs will help doctors reassure the large majority of men that the size of their penis is in the normal range.
"We will also use the graphs to examine the discrepancy between what a man believes to be their position on the graph and their actual position or what they think they should be."
Quite.
READ MORE: THE COUPLES WHO GOT BUSTED FOR HAVING SEX IN PUBLIC
Sex in public: The couples who got busted [NSFW]
1 of 16The Clock Tower Couple - Sydney, Australia
This stark naked couple were photographed having sex on a clock tower in the middle of a busy shopping centre, and were seemingly unbothered about the terrifying drop they faced should they accidentally bump 'n' grind right off the balcony.
Ah well, live while you're young and all that…
2 of 16The Motorway Couple - Google Street View
It’s entirely possible that this couple isn’t actually having sex, and is rather just having some fun at Google’s expense. On the other hand, it’s also possible that they’re doing both. Either way, they're smiling - and that's the main thing, right?
3 of 16The 'New Mexico State Police Officer' Couple - America
This police officer was awkwardly caught out having sex, while in uniform, in public, in broad daylight by a security camera. Inappropriate use of time and tax money? Or just an excellent example of multi-tasking? You decide.
4 of 16The Russian Fountain Couple - Leningrad Street, Russia
This erotic encounter was filmed by 26-year-old Aleksey Douhov as the lovebirds went at it for 15 minutes on top of the historic fountain in the city of Samara, with the video quickly becoming one of the most watched on Russian social media. The ultimate PDA?
5 of 16The Parisian Couple - Paris
Where better to get down 'n' dirty than on the streets of Paris, City Of Love? Exactly.
6 of 16The Sex On The Beach Couple - Florida, America
Elissa Alvarez, 20, and Jose Caballero, 39, had sex on a Florida beach for a full 25 minutes before wandering off for a swim. Despite the fact everyone around them knew what was going on, nobody rang the police.
But, when the duo decided to go for round two, it became too much for nearby witnesses - one of whom was sitting with a 4-year-old girl.
7 of 16The Student Couple - Cambridge, UK
The guy who filmed this couple going at it on the streets of Cambridge told a local paper: "I heard some groaning outside and to be honest I thought it was some kind of a monster. I opened up the curtain. I could not really believe what I was seeing.
"I got all the guys over to have a look and I thought I better film this. It was pretty hilarious.”
8 of 16The Car Park Couple - Bluewater, UK
Kent999s - who pride themselves on telling the public what Kent's emergency services are up to - tweeted photos of a couple, whose trousers are halfway down their legs, passionately kissing while leaning against a black Citroen in the Bluewater Shopping Centre's carpark.
Blue by name, blue by nature, we guess!
9 of 16The 'On The Road' Couple - Magaluf, Spain
The couple, who can be seen having sex between two parked cars in the footage, were filmed by someone recording through a nearby window. During the two-minute encounter, the copulating couple - who appear to be in their 30s - seem unfazed by passing cars.
We guess they were a little distracted…
10 of 16The 'Should Probably Be Teaching' Couple - Slovenia
A married headmaster was found by students between the legs of a female maths teacher when they heard noises coming from a classroom.
They said: "We heard the noises and knew someone was having sex in there’ said one 19-year-old at the high school in Slovenia.
"But we thought it would be other students. We couldn’t believe it when we saw our maths teacher and headmaster."
11 of 16The Banking Couple - Oviedo, Spain
This impatient man and woman were busted by police when they stripped off and had sex inside an ATM bank. While they weren't arrested, they were made famous when photos of the incident went viral on Twitter.
12 of 16The History Loving Couple - Newcastle, UK
These history buffs were caught IN the buff when they were snapped on top of a fortification in Newcastle, England. Their photo soon went viral on Twitter and history was made.
13 of 16The Daredevil Couple - Tartu, Estonia
It must have taken a LOT of guts for these exhibitionists to clamber up on top of this bridge, which stands at 45 metres tall. Zoinks! Eyewitnesses photographed the couple and posted them to a Dutch social media site, which was nearly shut down when so many people logged in wanting to see it.
14 of 16The Student Couple Part II - University of Southern California, America
These two students decided to sneak onto the roof of their university for a steamy hook-up, and were snapped by hundreds of students standing in the quad below. Awks.
15 of 16The Sports Fan Couple - Yankee Stadium, America
In a YouTube video posted on the sports blog Deadspin, fans can be seen watching as a man clad only in a hiked-up CC Sabathia T-shirt and a woman had full-on sex in a Yankee Stadium Bathroom.
“People were jockeying for position outside the stall to take pics either over or under, and even standing up on the toilet bowl on the neighbouring stall,” one eyewitness said.
16 of 16The Katie Hopkins Couple - A field, UK
Yes, Katie Hopkins got photographed having sex in a field. Old news.