National Adoption Week: ‘It’s tough – but it’s the most amazing thing I’ve done!’

Providing a stable family life for a child in need can be one of life’s most rewarding experiences.

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by Poppy Danby |
Published on

But despite the fact there were 93,436 children in care in the UK in 2015, the latest figures show only 4,690 children were adopted in 2016, down from 5,360 the previous year.

Benjamin Carpenter – who is a single dad to four disabled children – discovered first-hand how hard it can be to adopt in the UK.

He went through three and a half years of assessments before he was finally matched with a child in 2010.

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Benjamin, 32, is now dad to Jack, nine, Ruby, six, Lilly, five and one-year-old Joseph who all suffer with disabilities ranging from Down's syndrome to autism.

Speaking as it's National Adoption Week this week (17-23 October), single Benjamin, from West Yorkshire, says: "I was inspired to adopt a disabled child after working with disabled children as a teen.

"As soon as I turned 21 I applied to my local adoption agency. I know it was young but I'd always wanted to be a dad and make a difference.

"I was the first young, gay adopter the authority had seen so it was a rigorous and lengthy process."

After passing the initial stages - including a preliminary chat, plus police and medical checks - the adoption panel failed to reach a decision.

"Although I had income from my job working with adults and children with special needs, and I had a flat I rented, the panel were worried I didn't have enough life experience. I was devastated, but I never felt like giving up.

"Luckily, my family was supportive and I managed to get the decision overturned a week later. I was matched with Jack, who has autism and OCD, but the panel couldn't reach a decision about whether we were the right match.

"Fortunately, it was overturned again shortly afterwards and I adopted Jack in March 2010."

After bonding with Jack, Benjamin adopted three more children between 2011 and 2015, and although he admits the adoption process can be tough, he's adamant it's worth it.

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"It was stressful, but I wouldn't want anyone to be put off. The process is necessary to prepare the adopter and protect the child.

"My children bring me so much joy and they've thrived with me. I'm single and had relationships when I was younger, but I'm happy on my own.

"It's the most rewarding thing I could have done. I'd like to adopt more children - and I'd 100% recommend it."

While not all children are eligible for adoption - sometimes because there's a possibility of them returning to their biological families - the 12 per cent drop in the number of children being adopted is worrying.

Adoption organisations believe there are various reasons for the decline.

In addition to a court ruling in 2013 which dictated that children should only be separated from parents in extreme circumstances - meaning less children are eligible for adoption – sadly many people are put off by what they believe to be a difficult, lengthy process.

Gemma Gordon-Johnson, Head of Service at First4Adoption admits the process is in need of an overhaul. She said: "We're definitely seeing less people applying because they're put off by what they may have heard about a complicated application process.

"Sadly, many people have misconceptions around the process being difficult. The adoption process is robust and rigorous so that it protects and puts the children's best interests at heart.

"All of the children have had an uncertain start to their life and adoption is a way of finding a 'forever family' for them, so the process must be thorough."

Read more:

Lisa Riley reveals adoption plans: ‘It wouldn’t be fair to have a baby myself’

Best job ever? Adoption agency in need of volunteers to cuddle babies

WATCH: Little girl gets fairytale ending as Disney princesses show up to adoption hearing

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