Is it OK to admit you regret having kids?

Regret having kids

by Mel Fallowfield |
Updated on

Controversial mum: 'Motherhood isn't all it's cracked up to be'

Clare Macnaughton, 47, lives in Salisbury with her two children, Ben, 15, and Bella, ten. She says, “I was never one of those little girls who dreamed of getting married and having babies. All I wanted was to leave home and travel the world – which I did, aged 18, when I moved to the South of France to become a sailing instructor.

"Afterwards, I went to university and began working in PR. It wasn’t until 1997, when I met my husband, Hagar, now 49, and fell in love that I could even think about marriage – and after four years, in November 2001, we did it. We didn’t ever really discuss having a family, but we didn’t use contraception either. One year later, I was pregnant.

CHECK OUT pregnant celebrities 2019

Gallery

Pregnant Celebs 2019 Closer - SLIDER & STACKED USE THIS ONE

pregnant celebs 20191 of 16
CREDIT: Getty

Marnie Simpson and Casey Johnson

Marnie Simpson announced she was pregnant with her first child with boyfriend Casey Johnson in April, after fearing she was infertile.

Gemma Atkinson and Gorka Marquez2 of 16
CREDIT: Instagram

Gemma Atkinson and Gorka Marquez

Strictly Come Dancing love birds Gorka Marquez and Gemma Atkinson announced their pregnancy with an adorable instagram snap of their two pups Norman and Ollie with signs around their necks saying "Guess what... Mum's pregnant! We're going to be big brothers!"Aww!

Jess Hayes and Dan Lawry3 of 16
CREDIT: Instgram

Jess Hayes and Dan Lawry

Love Island winner Jess Hayes announced she's pregnant with her first child with Dan Lawry, and the happy couple are expecting in July.

Myleene Klass and Simon Motson4 of 16

Myleene Klass and Simon Motson

Former Hear'Say singer and TV presenter Myleene Klass has announced that she is pregnant with her third child.Myleene, 40, revealed the happy news on Instagram on Valentines Day with an adorable photo of her baby bump with the simple caption '❤ufe0f'.This will be Myleene's third child but her first with her partner Simon Motson. Myleene already has daughters, Ava, 11 and Hero, 7.

Hayley Tamaddon5 of 16
CREDIT: Getty

Hayley Tamaddon

Actress Hayley Tamaddon, who's starred in Emmerdale and Corrie, announced she's expecting her first child - age 42!"I'm so pleased to tell you all... I'm expecting my first child with my wonderful boyfriend Adrian!!" she said. "I've always wanted to be a mum and didn't think I could have children. And now, at the ripe old age of 42 - I'M PREGNANT! And We couldn't be happier. "

pregnant celebs 20196 of 16
CREDIT: Instagram

Chloe Lewis

Chloe Lewis announced her pregnancy with boyfriend Danny Flasher in May, with a v. cute Instagram post.

pregnant celebs 20197 of 16
CREDIT: Getty

Rachel Riley and Pasha Kovalev

Strictly Come Dancing lovers Rachel Riley and Pasha Kovalev announced they'd be having their first child in May.

pregnant celebs 20198 of 16
CREDIT: Instagram

Julia Goudling and Ben Silver

Congrats are in order for Coronation Street actor Julia Goulding and her husband Ben Silver who are expecting their first child – just three months after getting married.

Hannah Elizabeth9 of 16
CREDIT: Instagram

Hannah Elizabeth

Original Love Islander Hannah Elizabeth has been celebrating her pregnancy with some very racy lingerie snaps. She made her announcement in May.

pregnant celebs 201910 of 16
CREDIT: Instagram

Malia Arkian

Most famous for getting ejected from the Love Island villa just HOURS after arriving in 2016, Malia Arkian announced in June that she was expecting her first child with, and was engaged to, her footballer boyfriend Hope Akpan.

pregnant celebs 201911 of 16
CREDIT: Instagram

Helen Briggs and Chet Johnson

One of the only successful couples to have come from Ex on the Beach, Helen Briggs and Chet Johnson, have announced their first pregnancy with a really gorgeous snap on Instagram. "Half me, half you," wrote Helen, alongside the post.

pregnant celebs 201912 of 16
CREDIT: Getty

Anna Willamson and Alex Di Pasquale

Anna Williamson announced her second pregnancy with husband Alex Di Pasquale with a gorgeous cover shoot with OK! magazine. "I'm not getting any younger, so when we discovered I was pregnant, we were so pleased," she said.

Pregnant celebs 201913 of 16
CREDIT: Instagram

Jeremy McConnell and Katie McCreath

Jeremy McConnell's girlfriend Katie McCreath confirmed she's expecting their first child together (and Jeremy's second) a week after Jeremy made his own announcement on Instagramwhich he then claimed was "a prank".

pregnant celebs 201914 of 16
CREDIT: Instagram

Joe Wicks and Rosie Jones

Joe Wicks announced he was expecting his second child with wife Rosie Jones with a lovely family snap on Instagram which showed off Rosie's 19-week bump. "We are very happy and excited to grow our family," he said.

Jeremy Kyle and Vicky Burton15 of 16
CREDIT: Getty

Jeremy Kyle and Vicky Burton

Jeremy Kyle announced he was going to be a dad again in August, to his first child with girlfriend Vicky Burton, following the axing of his daytime TV show.

Aaron announced he was expecting his first child with girlfriend Talia Oatway, with some beautiful family portraits of them together along with Talia's daughter, who Aaron's played step-dad to since they got together two years ago.    The shock announcement came just days after reports the couple had split as they unfollowed each other on social media.16 of 16
CREDIT: Aaron Chalmers and Talia Oatway

Aaron announced he was expecting his first child with girlfriend Talia Oatway, with some beautiful family portraits of them together along with Talia's daughter, who Aaron's played step-dad to since they got together two years ago. The shock announcement came just days after reports the couple had split as they unfollowed each other on social media.

Aaron announced he was expecting his first child with girlfriend Talia Oatway, with some beautiful family portraits of them together along with Talia's daughter, who Aaron's played step-dad to since they got together two years ago.The shock announcement came just days after reports the couple had split as they unfollowed each other on social media.

Mum admits regrets having kids
©Getty

“Was I happy? I can’t really remember. But I hated being pregnant. I gained 5st, I had high blood pressure and my feet swelled up. My labour was induced and it was horrific. In the end, I was raced to theatre for an emergency C-section and, finally, my son Ben was born.

“But I didn’t know how to be a mum and my baby didn’t sleep. Ben fed constantly and my nipples blistered – I kept trying, but he’d still stay awake all night. And I was the first in my friendship group to be married and have a child.

"I rarely got to see my friends and, when I did, they quietly judged me for being a bad mum because my son didn’t sleep. I’d be reluctantly invited to dinner parties – but on the condition that Ben would be sound asleep in his carry cot.

READ MORE

X Factor's Rebecca Ferguson: 'Being a teen mum is the best thing I've done - but I'm not promoting it'

Baby names: 116 ILLEGAL names you need to be aware of

How to have a shower, brush your teeth and go to the toilet with a newborn without any help

“I felt like a failure, and it only got worse. Ben was a very wilful toddler – if he didn’t want food, he’d refuse to eat, leaving me feeling panicky. Hagar was in the military and often away, and I could feel the other army wives looking at me and writing me off as chaotic. One even signed Ben up for nursery, another to gymnastics classes – they, rightly, guessed I wouldn’t get round to it myself.

“Despite not taking to motherhood, I loved Ben enormously. And when he was four, my husband and I decided to have another child. I didn’t want Ben to be an only child, coping alone when we were old.

“My daughter was a far easier baby in most ways. I don’t know whether that was because I had a vague idea of what to do by then, or if it was just her personality. But two children was double the work and I still found much of motherhood dull and repetitive. I would sit with other mothers and question what I was doing there, as they discussed the contents of their little darlings’ nappies.

WATCH Jordan Davies reveals why splitting from Megan McKenna worked out for the best

“I struggled with the lack of freedom, too. For years, I was a sleep-deprived mess who couldn’t even go to the toilet on my own, when all I wanted to do was travel the world. And children are all-encompassing, you have to sacrifice all of yourself for their needs. I was going to travel, but now I live in Salisbury and work freelance in communications.

“Hagar expected me to love motherhood. His own mum has albums filled with his every milestone. I struggle to remember my kids’ first words!

Mum regrets having kids
©Getty

“Hagar and I separated in 2010, partly due to the stress of having children. But we still co-parent. And despite regretting motherhood, I love my children. I’d throw myself in front of a bus for them and we’re really close.

“But it doesn’t get easier as they get older – I’ve swapped a crying baby for a hormonal teen. I feel like I sold my younger self out. I sacrificed my freedom and I’m now tied down to their routine – which bores me.

“I’d never advise them not to have children – they’re individuals who might love being parents. I have mentioned that I regret having them, although I’m not sure they believe me, and I don’t want to upset them by talking about it.

“There’s a taboo about saying you regret having children, but I do say it, despite adoring them. And I empathise with women who are afraid to say they don’t want children. It’s a life-long commitment. You can’t put them back – but hindsight is a wonderful thing."

I Hate Housework by Claire Macnaughton is available on Amazon for £4.21.

Read even more real life stories in this week's Closer magazine - out now.

Just so you know, we may receive a commission or other compensation from the links on this website - read why you should trust us