Are you ready to have kids? Take this simple 14 point test

A hilarious parenting blog has come up with 14 simple tests to prepare you for having children - and we think it’ll appeal to anyone with kids.

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by Ellie Hooper |
Published on

Covering everything from night feeds to trying to get toddlers out the door every morning, this post will speak in volumes to anyone with little ones of their own.

Take the test below with your partner and let us know if it sums up the parenting experience! Full list of points availablefrom Mamami.

**'Test 1: Preparation **

Women: To prepare for pregnancy:

1.Put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front.

2.Leave it there.

3.After 9 months remove 5% of the beans.

Men: To prepare for children:-

1.Go to a local chemist, tip the contents of your wallet onto the counter and tell the pharmacist to help himself

2.Go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.

3.Go home. Pick up the newspaper and read it for the last time.'

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'Test 2

Find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels and how they have allowed their children to run wild. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners and overall behaviour.

Enjoy it. It will be the last time in your life that you will have all the answers.

'Test 3: Nights

To discover how the nights will feel:

  1. Walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 4 - 6kg, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly.

  2. At 10pm, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight and go to sleep.

  3. Get up at 11pm and walk the bag around the living room until 1am.

  4. Set the alarm for 3am.

  5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2am and make a cup of tea.

  6. Go to bed at 2.45am.

  7. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off.

  8. Sing songs in the dark until 4am.

  9. Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up when it goes off.

10.Make breakfast.

Keep this up for 5 years. LOOK CHEERFUL.'

**'You are now ready to have children. ENJOY!!' **

See the full list of points on Mamami.co.uk, and let us know what you think on Twitter @CloserOnline.

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