The 14 dumbest (and most hilarious) criminals of all time

Crime really doesn’t pay, as these hilariously stupid wannabe criminals have discovered…

The 14 dumbest (and most hilarious) criminals of all time

by Kayleigh Dray |
Published on

Are you ready to meet the dumbest - albeit the most hilarious - criminal masterminds of all time?

Then step this way - although, be warned, stupidity CAN sometimes be catching:

This VERY clumsy burglar

Top tip? Hold onto your guns, people.

Or, better yet, DON’T COMMIT CRIMES!

This guy.

We’re not even sure what happened there, really. Either way, we loved it!

The burglars who DREW their masks on.

Most criminals prefer to go for a fetching ski mask or balaclava when staging a heist; it helps shield their identity from pesky witnesses AND they can whip it off easily when they reach a safe location.

These two, however, are not MOST criminals.


The would-be robbers decided to cover their faces by DRAWING on them with felt tip pens. Permanent ones.

Police soon tracked down their getaway car - and it wasn’t long before they found Matthew McNelly and Joey Miller, desperately trying to rub the scribbles off from all over their faces.

Awkward. Massively awkward.

The criminals who handed themselves in - for free beer.

Undercover officers at Derbyshire police sent letters to dozens of people - and we mean DOZENS of people - who had evaded arrest, asking them to ring a marketing company to collect a free crate of beer.

A total of 19 suspects fell for the trick and called the number on the letter, which put them through to police officers based at Chesterfield Police Station.**


They were told that they needed to arrange a date and time for the free alcohol to be dropped off at an agreed address.

But instead of being handed free ale the wanted men found themselves confronted by police, handcuffed and under arrest.

This fleet-footed getaway artist.

He just never saw that damn door coming, did he?

This wannabe ‘porn inspector’

A few years back, a man was arrested for impersonating a cop and demanding copies of pornographic movies from an adult video store.

Claiming to be an “age verification detective,” Libby told the store’s employees that his job was to make sure the stars of the adult films were at least 18 years old.** **

The workers didn’t buy his story - naturally - and called the police. Cue two years in jail for our film critic friend.

This man who’s NEVER used a mask before. Ever.


The armed robber who gave his gun away.

Picture the scene; it’s a Halifax Bank in London, you’re a cashier, and a wannabe bank robber has just turned up at your desk with a gun and an empty bag.

“Give me £700,000” in cash,” he rasps… but then, instead of handing you the empty bag as he’d no doubt planned, he gets a teeny-weeny bit confused and gives you the gun instead.

You’re confused. He’s confused. But, before he even realises his mistake, you back off and point his own gun right back at him.

Cue him making a break for it - minus the cash.

Sucks to be that stupid, we bet.

The man who has NEVER been in a phone store before.

Did you REALLY think they wouldn’t expect that kind of thing?

**The burglar who got scared off mid-heist… by a fish. **

Remember Big Mouth Billy Bass?

Well, the novelty singing fish had been hung up in a fishing shop (because obviously) to, presumably, give customers a little something to look at.

But, as it turned out, it also worked pretty well as a guard-dog / guard-fish, as it only went and scared off a would-be robber.

We guess he wasn’t a fan of ‘Take Me To The River’, as he wound up knocking the “haunted” fish to the floor and scarpering - minus the goods.

The man who messed with the wrong girl.

Check this out:

Lesson learned? Mugging is wrong. Always.

This guy - who really needs to invest in a belt.

When this guy made a break for it, he winded up losing all of his stolen goods - and his trousers.**



**These ill-prepared robbers. **

This has to be, without a doubt, the fastest robbery attempt we’ve ever seen:**



The man who ATE the evidence!

What do you do if you think you’re going down?

Go all billy-goat on the evidence, that’s what.

The man who didn't learn his lesson the first time.

Oh very dear.

And THIS dude.

The heart wants what the heart wants, we guess.

Which of these bungling burglars made you laugh the hardest? Let us know via the comments box below now.

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