You catch yourself checking out his Facebook and Twitter feeds at least once a day
It's bordering on obsession when you check out his profile before your own, y'know.
Your stalking sessions - because, let's face it, that is what they are - don't always end well…
OH GOD, I ACCIDENTALLY 'LIKED' THAT PHOTO OF HIM!!!
Cue you unfollowing your ex on Twitter
Annnnnnnnnnnnd then following them again, all within a pathetic five minutes
You post a sassy "I'm single and I'm loving it" status
That'll show him!
You delete your "I'm single and I'm loving it" status
And cry.
You check out your ex's Facebook
Also your ex's sister's Facebook. Also your ex's best friend's Facebook. Also your ex's ex's Facebook.
Why? Because YOU NEED TO KNOW WHAT THE EFF IS GOING ON IN HIS WORLD, OKAY?!
You can't stop playing THAT song
Y'know, the one you heard shortly after your breakup whose lyrics were obviously about you and your heartbreak. Adele is SO the only one who 'gets' you.
You've been checking out your ex's horoscope
And glow inwardly when it reads: "You may regret a decision you recently made. Don't be afraid to admit you were wrong."
You tense whenever his name comes up in conversation
Seriously guys? This is not cool.
But, simultaneously, you also kind of want to talk about him all the time
"Can we talk about my breakup just ONE MORE TIME before we talk about your life?"
And there's a teeny-weeny possibility you're not being the bigger person about all of this...
Nice.
But it's okay, because you just need a new boyfriend. Any boyfriend.
I WILL BE FINE AS LONG AS I MOVE ON FIRST!!!"
Whaddaya mean, he found a new girlfriend already?
"Are you f***ing kidding me?"
"TO FACEBOOK!"
Yes, you need to know everything about your new romantic rival. You also need your friends to tell you that you're much, much, MUCH prettier than her.
It's all absolutely fine, though - because you're breezy
Although SAYING that you're breezy absolutely negates the breeziness, just as an FYI.
In fact, to prove how breezy you are, you upload a photo of yourself LOOKING breezy to Instagram, captioning it with #FUN and #GOODTIMES
And then you cry.
You find it hard to feel joy for anyone - even your besties
"My Facebook feed is all weddings and babies and I have NOTHING to feel happy about!"
You want to go out and get wasted…
Ideally to take lots of photos of yourself having a great time and being all over him. For Facebook, y'know?
But there's a massive issue. Because alcohol = tears
"I lurrrrrrrrve him. Also, wine."
You keep 'accidentally' sending flirty texts to him
"Oh my god, I'm so sorry. That wasn't for you, it was for this new guy I'm seeing - his name is, like, Brad."
You send him an angry rant. And then another one. And then you tell him NEVER to EVER message you again.
Before sending him another angry rant. And telling him NOT TO BOTHER MESSAGING YOU, BECAUSE YOU'RE DONE. Then another angry rant.
God, this is tiring.
But, after a LOT of tears…
A lot of pretending to be happy for him…
A lot of unsatisfactory one-night stands…
A lot of questionable online dating profiles…
You'll discover that you're over him. Maybe not completely, but you're over him - you're totally ready to move on.
We promise!