Your wedding night: Expectation vs reality

Head’s up; your wedding night is probably going to be VERY different from the way you’re picturing it…

Your wedding night: Expectation vs reality

by Kayleigh Dray |
Published on

EXPECTATION: He will carry you across the threshold, just like they do in the movies.

REALITY: Erm… just be careful, yeah? Champagne can do funny things to your spatial awareness.

EXPECTATION: An eloquent declaration of love

REALITY: Slurring. So much slurring.

EXPECTATION: He will only stop kissing you to rip off your clothes and throw you onto the bed.

REALITY: Zips, hooks and buttons are super hard when you’re tipsy. That dress ain’t coming off without a fight!

EXPECTATION: The sex will be THE BEST of your life so far.

REALITY: You’re both tipsy, you’re both tired, and you’re both on the verge of unconsciousness. Good luck, kids.

EXPECTATION: Orgasmic bliss.

**REALITY: Well… maybe, we guess. **

EXPECTATION: Afterwards you’ll tenderly nuzzle one another, taking in every last detail of your new husband / wife’s features.

REALITY: You will cheat on your new spouse almost immediately with your OTHER true love - food. Namely, pizza.

EXPECTATION: You eventually fall asleep in one another’s arms.

REALITY: You pass out next to each other.

EXPECTATION: You wake up feeling refreshed and ready to start an amazing new chapter in your lives together.

REALITY: You wake up hungover as hell, with a mouth that tastes like a cat crawled in there to die, hairpins EVERYWHERE and spanks littered across the floor. But you know what? You’re still MORE than ready to start an amazing new chapter in your lives together.

Love is the best, isn’t it?

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