Surviving adultery or infidelity: Relationship advice from Closer psychologist Emma Kenny

Our therapist and TV psychologist Emma Kenny is here to make sense of your emotional issues.

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by Closer staff |
Published on

****Discovering you’ve been betrayed is a hideous feeling, especially as it concerns someone you trusted. Katie Price, 36, knows all too well how devastating it is - she was heartbroken when she discovered her husband Kieran Hayler, 27, had been sleeping with her best friend Jane Pountney, 49.

Instead of feeling like a fool for trusting your partner, accept that we often judge others through our own behaviours – if you wouldn’t cheat, why would he or she? Recognise that the blame is with them and don’t feel sad, you deserve better and have a right to demand more from your relationships. The person who you choose to share your life with should reinforce your self-worth, not chip away at it.

Making things work after a betrayal can be tough: trust is the most important component in a loving relationship and is essential for a healthy partnership. Jordan is trying make a go of her marriage, but that path isn't right for everybody - Danielle O'Hara, 30, separated from her husband Jamie when allegations emerged that he had cheated. That said, sometimes walking away can feel scarier than staying. So, how do you survive infidelity, and how do you know whether to work through it or move on?

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Surviving adultery or infidelity: Advice from Closer psychologist Emma Kenny

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If you have children, protect them from the emotional fallout. Don't argue in front of them or use them as weapons.

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Don’t torture yourself with finding out all the details – focus on figuring out whether to stay with your partner or move forward without him

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Accept that affairs sometimes indicate that there’s a deeper problem within your relationship, so identify it and work through it.

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Expect to be angry, confused and lost. It’s ok to be upset. Crying can be helpful, as tears are cathartic and calming.

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Never blame yourself. He cheated because he’s a selfish person. You’ve been taken advantage of because you are a good, trustworthy and trusting person, so hold your head up high.

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You know what they’ve done is wrong so be grateful to have discovered their deception now before they caused any more damage.

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Don’t stay for the wrong reasons. It’s hard to leave your home or break up your family but the difficulty will ease over time, whereas an unhappy relationship will hurt you each day you remain.

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Ask yourself the following: Does he make me feel safe? Is he genuinely sorry? Can I enjoy a happy future with him? Can I trust him again? Can I really leave a misdemeanor in the past? Only if you answer yes to all these is there a chance of making things work.

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Don’t react immediately, your feelings will be raw. Wait until you’re calm before you confront your partner and spell out the consequences.

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If you decide to stay then make it clear that, should he stray again, he will lose you for good.

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Whether you decide to stay or not, don't dwell on this experience or let it cloud your future relationships. It’s unhealthy to keep going over something you can’t control.

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