Relationship expert Marisa Peer: ‘How to find love – and keep it’

Valentine's Day can be tough if you’re single, especially if your friends are all loved up.


by Closer Staff |

But according to therapist Marisa Peer, the secret to finding a loving relationship isn’t new makeup, clothes or a body transformation – it’s a mind makeover.

Here Marisa, who has worked with actors, rock stars, musicians and royalty, shares the secrets to finding love, and keeping it.

Marisa says:

“If you want to have a fantastic relationship with someone who is worth being with, you have to really believe that you are worth being with too.

Attracting a great guy isn’t down to luck, it’s related to how you think of yourself. Beauty only attracts men initially – it’s inner confidence and a feeling of self worth that they find compelling.

Tell yourself you are loveable every day for 21 days. You need to say it and hear it over and over again for three weeks - by then your mind will accept it and by extension so will the people you are meeting.”

She adds:

“Wear underwear that makes you feel sexy all the time and put nice lotion and perfume on every day, because it will make you feel worth it and increase your desirability factor to others.”

Marisa says:

“Ever noticed that when you hook up with a man, other men suddenly seem to want you too?

That’s because the minute one man is paying you attention and giving you compliments, you feel desirable. In contrast, when you’re not getting attention you radiate a feeling of being less desirable.

Work on increasing your self-esteem, because when you believe you are desirable you will attract a man who believes that about you too. Our thoughts and how we feel about ourselves radiate out to people who pick up on and then match our own thinking.”

"Make sure your waist / hip ratio is visible and accentuated"

Marisa says: “Most men love the opposite of masculine - they really go for lip gloss, silky hair, nipped in waists, sparkly earrings and heels, all the things they don't have. If you put up a photo on a dating website make sure your waist / hip ratio is visible and accentuated, as studies shows these women get the most responses because men find this irresistible.”

Marisa says: “Don't try too hard with men. They are hard wired as hunters to pursue you and if you make it too easy, they miss out the feeling that they have worked for you and won you - this is the feeling makes them feel great about themselves and in turn about you.

Don't be too keen to agree with everything they say, you can playfully disagree because men find confidence incredibly sexy, so have your own opinions. You don’t need to be strident, just quietly self assured – be your own person.”

Marisa says: “Don't give everything away. Men actually need, a bit of mystery -that's why they find semi naked women more exciting than those that are naked. So keep things back to make him want to learn more about you.”

Marisa says: “To meet men, you have to go where men go. Try poker school or learning golf – you’ll stand out because there are fewer women. If you’re hitting the gym, don’t do yoga - go to the weight room.

Go where men go
Go where men go

If you put yourself in the company of nice men while believing you deserve one and acting very self contained, you will find your man sooner than you think. So many of my clients got married after doing this.”

Marisa says: “Change up your routine. If you usually spend Sunday reading the papers at home, try going to a coffee shop instead. The more you are around people, the more likely you are to meet someone.”

Marisa says: “Don’t let rejection crush you. If your last relationship did not work out, remind yourself of all the reasons he initially liked you and was attracted to you. Those qualities are still in you. Your next relationship will benefit from the things you learnt from your last one.”

Marisa says: “Lastly, remember you are doing some guy a favour! Men hate to be lonely and cope less well alone than women. We all want to share our life and attract love, and you are ready to do that now with someone who will appreciate you.”

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