*1. You have a list of things you want to change about him *
If you find yourself focusing on his flaws, rather than his positives, then this is not the guy for you. Because, believe us, if you’ve found The One, you won’t want to change a thing.
AND ON THAT NOTE…
If all you ever do is complain about him to your friends, then he’s not the guy for you. You should be his biggest cheerleader, not the ultimate Debbie Downer.
2. You don’t trust him (and vice versa)
If you really, really don’t trust him, you’ve got to ask yourself why that is. Because, yes, a small dose of jealousy can be healthy, but a lot can be as destructive as acid to a relationship - whether the cause of distrust is valid or not. Jealousy can lead to obsessive behaviour… and that, in turn, can become abusive.
If either of you can’t bear to see the other talking to another guy / girl, then that’s a VERY clear sign the relationship is going nowhere.
**3. You can’t be yourself around him **
Does he criticise you all the time? Do you feel like you’re always walking on eggshells, in a desperate bid to avoid upsetting him? Do you act differently around him than you do with your family and friends? Do you pretend to like / dislike things to avoid conflict?
If you have said yes to any of these questions, he’s not The One. You want to be with someone who loves you, just the way you are - not someone who makes you feel small, or afraid, or frightened.
4. Your friends don’t like him
We know it’s a cliché, but you should always take it as a red flag if you’re friends don’t like the guy you’re seeing. They have your best interests at heart and they want you to be happy - they wouldn’t kick up a fuss if it wasn’t serious, trust us.
**5. You’ve caught him lying **
We’re not talking about little white lies (“no, I LOVE your new haircut!”), we’re talking about big, resounding, warning bell lies. Like where he’s been, or where he’s going, or who he’s been hanging out with. These sort of lies are hurtful and a BIG clue as to what’s coming later on; who wants to date a compulsive liar, eh?
*6. You never get things your way *
When you disagree on something, are you and your partner able to work together to find a solution you're both happy with? After all, relationships are SUPPOSED to be a game of give and take. But if your partner continually refuses to listen to what you need (time, affection, sex/physical contact, help with children or chores), or refuses to share his own needs, you're not in a good place. At all.
**7. Your nonnegotiable life goals are incompatible **
If you hate the idea of marriage and babies, but he definitely wants wedding bells and kids, then this isn’t going to work. Make sure that your life goals are compatible… and, if they’re not, it’s probably time to move on.
*8. You don’t respect each other *
Does he roll his eyes when you talk? Do you put him down in front of your friends? And does he complain about you to his parents? These are all red flags; a relationship without respect is never going to flourish.
*9. You’re not attracted to him *
We don’t care what anyone says; sex is a crucial part of any relationship, and if you don’t have chemistry in the bedroom, then this isn’t your long-term match.
10. You often fantasise about being single …
and it doesn't scare you. In fact, completely the opposite; you love the idea of being on your own again.
*** 11. You’re the one who puts in all the effort***
If you find you are the only one calling, inviting and planning and he is just going along with it half-heartedly, then (we hate to say it, but) he's just not that into you.
Stop calling and inviting and see what happens. You may find out he’s not The One quicker than you may have guessed…
12. You always find yourself making excuses for him
He’s late, again. He’s cancelled, again. He’s made you cry, again. But it’s not his fault because [insert flimsy excuse here]. Hmm. If you find yourself making excuses for him over and over again, guess what? You’re not the problem and he DEFINITELY is. Stop fantasising, get out of this relationship, and find someone in the real world that behaves in a way you actually want.
13. You feel sad, or frustrated, more often than you feel happy
Relationships aren’t picnics; we know that they take work, and effort, and that they have their ups and downs. But if your relationship leaves you feeling unhappy more often than it does happy, then something is very wrong. Take a step back, look at what you have, and work out if it’s really worth it. We have a feeling that you might discover it’s not…
**14. You find it hard to open up **
Do you find yourself dreading speaking to your spouse about relationship problems… or life in general? Communication is key to relieving stress and building a healthy bond between you and your partner - and, if you don't feel comfortable communicating with your partner, this could be a sign you don't trust them. Remember: trust issues are NEVER good in any relationship.
**15. You’ve been bullied or abused **
If there is any physical violence, or if they hit you even once, get out. There is never an excuse for abuse - whether it be verbal or physical - and nobody should ever feel trapped or scared in their relationship. If you have become a victim of domestic abuse, then please phone the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 now.
Read our '18 signs you’re in an abusive relationship piece’ for more information
*** 16. You have a gut feeling something is wrong***
Don't ignore your gut. Youand your partner may seem perfect on paper, but if your instincts are telling you he's not the one for you, listen. After all, the most important relationship you can have is with yourself; if your inner voice isn't a fan of your man (for whatever reason), then you need to listen.
** Do you have any signs of your own to add to the list? **
Let us know via Facebook or Twitter (@CloserOnline) now.