Being a stepmum is not always easy - but it is, of course, always far more difficult on Mother’s Day.
So why is it such a hard day for step mums?
Well, many stepmothers will feel as if they have all the frustration, financial strain, and emotional work of being a parent - and Mother’s Day simply highlights the fact that there is far less recognition.
It may, for example, be the dad’s turn to have the kids for the weekend, but the emotional weight of the day means that the kids go to their mum instead, throwing routine out the window.
And this may make stepmothers feel like outsiders - undervalued, and more than a little disappointed.
So how should they tackle the day?
We spoke with Divorce Coach Sara Davison, and she shared her guidelines for step-parents.
Sara’s advice for stepmums on Mother’s Day:
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Find your own role and part to play in your step children’s life. Don’t try to take on the role of Mum (or Dad)
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Respect their quality time with the other parent
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Don’t try to compete with their parent for love. You will earn their love over time and it will be easier if you stay true to who you are rather than fighting for it.
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Find common interests with your step children so that you can share activities and bond with them over things that you both enjoy doing
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Never bad mouth the other parent to the children as this will only backfire on you
Sara explains: “Remember that every child is different and how they react to you will depend on their situation and how their parents feel about it too.
“If the other parent is unhappy that you are together with their ex it can put the kids in a tough position, even if they like you a lot.
“They will rarely feel comfortable going against their parent so it will be hard for them to accept them however much they may want to.”
She adds: “If you are a step-mum and have invested huge amounts of your time into the children it may seem unfair that on Mother’s Day you don’t get the recognition that you deserve for all the love and care you give in your role to your step-children.
“It can seem like a thankless task at times, however there are things you can do to make it better.”
Sara’s top tips for stepmums to follow on Mother’s Day:
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Talk to your partner about how you feel. It is always good to share your emotions about these situations as you need to support each other
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Create a “Step-Parent Day” and celebrate that another time
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Make your own plans for Mother’s Day to keep you busy
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Be the adult and don’t discuss your feelings with your step children or make them feel torn between who to spend time with
Sara added: “Blended families can be complicated but they can also create a lot of joy. They show children that even if life doesn’t work out the way you had planned, there is always another chance of happiness.
“A great lesson to learn at a young age!”
**Sara Davison is an expert break-up, separation and divorce coach who developed the UK’s first Divorce Coaching program which provides individuals with the tools, techniques and advice needed to help individuals navigate and better cope with the process of divorce. **
**For more information on Sara, or to book a one to one consultation, logon to her website www.saradavison.com or follow her on Facebook (Sara Davison Divorce Coaching), Twitter (@SDDivorcecoach) and Instagram (SaraDavisonDivorceCoach) **
Book yourself on her next break-up Retreat from the 19th – 20th of Feb 2016 via her website.