Once you have kids, holidays just aren’t quite what they used to be...
The opportunity to travel with hand luggage only and read six bestsellers whilst basking in the midday sun is suddenly but a dim and distant dream.
Instead, your suitcase is crammed with nappies and enough baby wipe the spag bol crusted faces of all the toddlers in Portugal, and you spend your entire stay panicking about sunburn and heat stroke.
Determined to embrace the holiday feeling, you battle through tantrums, erratic sleep and fussy eating and look forward to happy hour every night. A bit like life at home, really.
Here are 17 things that always happen on a family holiday...
1. You pack three novels...
And manage to read two pages of the first one.
2. Nap time = booze time
It doesn't matter that it's only 10am - get thee to the bar!
3. You become the sun cream smotherer
Yet somehow forget to apply any lotion to yourself, burn on the first afternoon, and spend the next five days wincing under a kaftan.
**4. Someone leaves something on the plane **
Cue the third whispered row with O/H of the trip.
5. Momentary panic ensues when favourite teddy / blanket can’t be located
Interpol are very nearly called.
6. You spend an entire month’s food bill on data allowance to keep the small ones entertained while you dig through a paella
Of course Paw Patrol have come on holiday with you.
7. Someone is unexpectedly travel sick
Spare clothes are needed for everyone.
8. A day by the pool sees you take on the roles of lifeguard, swimming teacher, entertainer and deep sea diver
However you don’t actually swim at all.
9. Ice cream = bribery
Ev-e-ry day.
**10. Packing for the holiday takes longer than the fortnight you are away for **
Although your O/H manages to sort his stuff out in three minutes flat. Grr.
11. You're left with a tiny corner of the suitcase so bring two pairs of shorts, one dress and three vests
Your children meanwhile have enough clothes to do a thrice-daily catwalk beside the swimming pool.
**12. You've packed enough precautionary meds to set up your own branch of Boots **
The only thing you’ll use is paracetamol after an ill-judged sangria binge.
13. You picked a destination with a fabulous kids’ club
Naturally, your kids refuse to go.
14. Every time you lie on a sun lounger, your child calls your name
It’s as if they just know.
**15. You take 400 photos on your phone **
And someone is either crying or has a sun hat covering their face in every last one.
16. Forget the prime sunbathing spots, you are ALL about securing shade
You go home slightly paler than you arrived.
17. Wherever you go, your child’s favourite part of the holiday will be the luggage carousel at the airport
Making such beautiful memories.
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