Filing for divorce can be stressful, sad, and confusing - but it can prove even more so for your children.
At any age, kids may feel upset or angry at the idea of their mum and dad splitting up.
Which is why parents need to put aside their differences to ensure that they are co-parenting effectively, despite any animosity or bad feelings they may feel for one another.
Divorce Coach Sara Davison says: “Co-parenting with you ex can be challenging. You are not going to agree on everything when it comes to how to bring up your children and this can cause tension for the kids as well as the parents.”
However, thankfully, there are some fundamental basics that will help you to navigate co-parenting.
Here are Sara’s top tips on how to co-parent after your divorce:
-
Put your children's best interests first. This is key as it often gets forgotten in the heat of an argument. Always do the right thing by your child.
-
Never bad mouth your ex in front of your children. Whatever you think of them they are still your child's parent.
-
Make clear plans well in advance and stick to them. Children do best with a set routine, especially if they are living between two homes.
-
Be amicable in front of the children at pick ups and drop offs and never argue when they can hear. If a situation escalates then learn to spot the signs before its too late and walk away.
-
Don't grill your child on what happened while they were with your ex. Let them tell you in their own time if they want to.
-
Establish a form of communication that works for both you and your ex as you will need to pass information about the kids to each other. If you are amicable then telephone may work but if not then stick to emails.
-
Don't worry about the little things and pick your battles. Routines and rules are more than likely to be different in each household however children are resilient and will be able to adapt. For example if they are allowed to watch more TV with your ex then this is not as important as never doing their homework whilst they are there.
-
Agree with your ex how new partners are to be introduced. If you can agree on some mutual guidelines that will help matters but if you can't agree then you have to let it go as there is no point worrying about things you cannot control.
-
Agree with your ex on when and how often you will contact your child when they are away. Be aware that your child may need some time to settle in and make sure you put their needs first however much you miss them.
-
Do your best to ensure your child is excited and happy to go to your ex. You want them to be happy and not worry about you while they are gone.
She adds: “Divorce doesn't have to damage children but it depends on how the parents behave.
“If they act well it can actually be a valuable learning experience for children that will benefit them in their later life.”
**Sara Davison is an expert break-up, separation and divorce coach who developed the UK’s first Divorce Coaching program which provides individuals with the tools, techniques and advice needed to help individuals navigate and better cope with the process of divorce. **
**For more information on Sara, or to book a one to one consultation, logon to her website www.saradavison.com or follow her on Facebook (Sara Davison Divorce Coaching), Twitter (@SDDivorcecoach) and Instagram (SaraDavisonDivorceCoach) **
Book yourself on her next break-up Retreat from the 19th – 20th of Feb 2016 via her website.