January, as you already know, is a complete and utter mess. You're still paying for the Christmas presents, it's so cold and you have had the sniffles since early December. Oh and everyone is busy doing a 'Dry January'. Bore.
But, in news harder to swallow than that shoddy packed lunch you're forced to make-do with, the day where your partner is most-likely to cheat on you is literally round the corner. YAY. GREAT. BEST NEWS EVER.
According to Gleedon, a dating app for married people(!!), they reported the highest amount of sign ups for the site occurs on 9 January. That's right. The date you are most likely to be cheated on is 9 Jan. Maybe cook him a roast dinner? Look into his eyes alot? Compliment his new tie to minimise the risk?
We are joking of course. If someone is going to cheat on you, then they don't need an excuse or distracting from it. You are great as you are. They just need to be put in the bin. BYE.
The site also reported an average 320% increase in sign ups for the entire January.
Okay so we are off to make a change.org petition to banish Januarys for good. Or at least to turn them into gin-uarys...