1. Try to throw up on your parent(s) whenever possible - ideally when they’ve just changed their outfit for a new one.
Bonus points if some of it goes in their mouth!
2. Do not let them sleep. Ever.
Use those lungs to your advantage - and scream the place down whenever they think about getting some sleep. It’s good to keep them in a tired and susceptible state…
3. Wait until just after they’ve changed your nappy to let loose with a number two…
Hey, they wouldn’t keep changing us if they didn’t enjoy it - we’re just giving them what they WANT!
4. …OR attempt to pee while they’re changing your nappy
Again, bonus points if some of it goes in their mouth!
5. Every once in a while, spit out your dummy and cry for no reason
That’ll show them who’s boss.
6. Lose socks whenever possible
But, remember, one at a time. Always lose them one at a time.
7. Stop doing whatever it is you’re doing the moment you see a camera
It’ll liven things right back up again.
8. Cry whenever there’s a quiet moment
It’ll liven things right back up again.
Bonus points if you’re at a wedding!
9. Put everything in your mouth
Everything.
10. Throw your toys out the pram - literally
Sure, it’s a bit of a cliche - but it’s well worth the effort. And, you know, throw everything else out of everything else, too.
Bonus points if it’s super messy and lands on a clean floor!
11. Keep adults on their toes with an array of VERY funny faces
They’ll never know how you’re going to react next!
12. Pull hair, whenever you can get your hands on it
Also, earrings.
13. Show your appreciation for the little things
Make it CLEAR that you like having your head rubbed, okay?
14. Crawl into those forbidden zones as often as possible
Up the stairs, down the stairs, towards the front door… it’s good to keep the adults running around after you.
Who doesn’t love exercise?
15. Mess with them, whenever you can
Babies can play pranks too, you know.
16. Don’t sleep when you’re tired
Sleeping’s for wusses. Instead, cry. Crying is a far better use of your time.
17. Terrorise the pets
They need to know there’s a new boss in town!
18. Explore your nose as often as possible
Strike that; explore EVERYBODY’S nose as often as possible.
19. Refuse to be held by anyone except the adult who is too busy to hold you
So mum thought nan could hold me while she went to the toilet, did she?
Big mistake…
20. But, most of all, be seriously loveable and cute as a button
It’s the only way we’ll convince the adults to put up with our s**t!