Ah, your wedding day. A day on which it's socially acceptable to wear a dress so wide you can't fit through doorways. An occasion when it's OK to eat an entire tier of cake for breakfast, and do shots at 4 in the afternoon.
And that's pretty normal behaviour for modern-day brides, right? But what if it's not the bride doing all this? What if it's… her mother?
Yep, Mumzillas are very much on the up, if anecdata from my circle of friends is anything to go by. Just what is it about the prospect of their daughter getting hitched that turns perfectly lovely, normal mothers into raging monsters?
Do you know a Mumzilla? Read on to find out…
1. She's already bought her outfit, and there's still a year to go before your wedding
You haven't even begun thinking about your wedding dress, but your ma has already bought EVERYTHING she needs for the big day. And she won't stop trying it on every time you go home to see her
2. She demands to be involved in the planning, but will only do the bits she likes
Bonus points if she hijacks you and your partner's wedding cake testing day and turns her nose up at anything that isn't "a nice Victoria sponge", even though you're allergic to jam and have been ever since she gave birth to you
3. She refuses to entertain the notion of her not doing a speech
She's got plenty to say, so why on earth wouldn't you give her a 20-minute slot in between the main and the dessert? Really darling, you are being silly
4. She's obsessed with the idea you might be pregnant
Number of times her eyes have strayed worryingly to your womb area since you announced your engagement: roughly 45 billion. Number of times you or your partner have ever even hinted that you're planning kids right now: less than zero
5. Her hat might actually be bigger than the sun
That bad-boy is going to cause some serious damage when she wafts down the aisle. Might be an idea to tell your guests to wear protective goggles if they're in the danger zone
6. Unless she's planning to wear a veil
Not even kidding, a friend of mine's mum dressed head-to-toe in black with a cathedral-length veil on her daughter's wedding day. She couldn't have been more miserable than if she'd handcuffed herself to Morrissey and brought him along as her imprisoned plus-one
7. She's managed to befriend your caterer and has subtly tweaked the menu to her exact specifications
The RAGE!
8. She's undermined your careful budget by inviting family members you've never even heard of
That uncle you last saw in 1992 with the rubbery jowls? Old Uncle Spitty McSpitface, god rest his bones. He's coming. No-one can quite remember where he fits on the family tree, but that doesn't matter to Mother Dearest
9. Her hair and make-up must be perfect on the day
Even better: she wants YOU to be her personal make-up artist. What? It's not like you've got anything better to do on the morning of your nuptials, is it? Stop complaining
10. She's almost certainly plotting to steal your first dance thunder
Your mum's been on the Champers since 7.30am, and now she's ready to crack out her best moves. More fool you if you were planning a nice, smoochy slow number with your brand new husband – you're likely to get trampled underfoot by your mum's sudden enthusiasm for Ed Sheeran's greatest hits unless you get your bridesmaids to form a polite but firm protective ring around the dancefloor
11. She invites herself on your honeymoon
She's been joking about it for months, but you never thought she was being serious. Turns out she caught the next flight out to that Sandals resort you've had your eye on for months and she's already started flirting with the waiters. What do you mean this is your special couple time? Honestly, you're such a drama queen. Shall we order room service and have a night in tonight, all three of us? Lovely!
Emmeline Saunders is the Deputy Editor of heatworld and tweets about her upcoming wedding over at @Emm_Saunders. She loves her own Mumzilla very much
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