Marisa: What would you like from our session today?
Alicia: To discuss why I keep making bad choices with men.
**Do you go for a **certain type?
The men I date tend to be high profile – but they always say we can never be together properly, either because they want to focus on their career or because one or both of us is in the public eye.
You dated Simon Cowell, didn’t you?
Yes, 11 years ago, for eight months.
How did he treat you when you were together?
He was always gentlemanly, but he didn’t want a serious relationship.
Did that hurt?
Yes. One day he didn’t take me to an event that he’d promised we’d attend together. I felt like he was embarrassed or ashamed, so I did a kiss and tell about him in a newspaper for revenge.
Do you think the men you date try to keep your relationship hidden from the public?
Yes – I always put it down to my kiss-and-tell past.
Did you and Simon stay in touch after the kiss and tell?
We hooked up now and again, but it turned into an unhealthy situation.
‘I’m only comfortable around a certain type’
**The kiss and tells are your way of expressing disappointment that the men don’t care about you. They let you down, so you get back at them. It’s attention- seeking too – a classic sign of feeling inadequate. **
That’s true. I always feel like I’m not good enough for boyfriends. Men tend to treat me badly but, when I’m in the relationship, I usually think it’s what I want.
You stay with them because you hope it will get better?
Yes. I guess I’ve never been in a healthy relationship.
You were in [2009 reality show] Celebrity Rehab. Did you learn a lot about yourself?
Yes. I believed I’d found all the answers. They told me to stay away from men and concentrate on myself but, a week later, I met the father of my five-month-old daughter, Papaya, [who, she claims, is Crystal Palace football club chairman Simon Jordan].
**Was it a long relationship? **
We spoke and texted over almost three years, but we weren’t officially boyfriend and girlfriend. He kept me hanging on and when I told him I was pregnant he didn’t want to know. He changed his number and abandoned me. I have no contact with him now.
Tell me about you****r eldest daughter’s father.
I fell pregnant with Georgia at 16. When I told my boyfriend, I discovered he was seeing another woman and he left the country.
So both your girls’ fathers have no involvement with them? That must be really hard for you.
Yes, but sometimes I worry I’m the reason their fathers rejected them. I work 24/7 to support my family.
Describe your relationship with your father.
I don’t really have a relationship with him.
**When you were growing up, did he live at the family home? **
Yes. We lived with my mum and two half- sisters. He also had two children from a previous relationship.
How did he behave?
He’d tease me about being ugly. He clashed with one of my sisters and kicked her out when she was 14. He was always criticising and trying to control my mum.
And she just let this happen?
Yes, she feels guilty now they are divorced and she’s in a healthy relationship.
The first important man in your life gave you a strange idea of how relationships should be. That will have affected you as an adult.
I always try to be perfect and cook and clean for men. I even gave one boyfriend a pedicure.
**You’re trying to earn their love instead of making them work for it. **
I used to try to please my father, I even tried to be like a boy because I knew that was what he really wanted.
This has made you think, “No matter what I do, my boyfriend will be disappointed.” Is there anyone in your life now?
No.
Where do you usually meet boyfriends?
I used to go to clubs and meet lots of footballers. These days, I prefer bars. Friends introduce me to people, but I never feel any chemistry. I suppose I’m only comfortable around a certain type.
By Claire Newbon
marisa’s verdict:
“Alicia allows herself to be treated badly by men because she was brought up with her dad telling her she wasn’t good enough. If we let ourselves think we’re not worthy of respect, men will pick up on that. The fact is, we’re all flawed, so Alicia should regularly tell herself: “I’m good enough just the way I am.” She needs to be with someone who’s proud of her and happy to tell the world they’re together. We all feel safe with familiarity, but Alicia should step out of her comfort zone and try dating someone different to her usual type of high-profile, unreliable, arrogant men. Raising our self-esteem is the best starting point for allowing others to give us the respect we deserve.”
alicia’s verdict:
“My session with Marisa was really useful. She really put things into perspective. I’m already following her advice – she told me to ask myself how I feel about myself when I meet a guy and if the answer isn’t good enough, to ditch him. I’m considering having more sessions with her too, as the hour we had together helped me see things more clearly.”