There’s no doubt that modern life is particularly stressful for Busy Mums. I’m writing this as my dynamic wife is off “on conference” and left me to do the cooking, preparing the kids lunch, school run, housework etc…aaaahhh!
Stress is about how we think: it is the perceived inability to cope with the pressure we’re under…not the actual pressure.
It’s not a mental illness: it’s a signal to stand back, look at out life and give it a good spring clean!
So how can we minimise the stress we experience and spring clean our lives?
Me Stuff!
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Feel good about yourself! Yes you can! Most Mum’s need to take the pressure of themselves and accept that they can’t be the perfect Mum, Wife, mate, employee/business owner all at once…not possible. We can only do our best in life!
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Me Time! Being a good Mum actually requires prioritising “me time”. The most important person in your life is you…not your kids. Heresy? Which would you kids rather have? Less time with a relaxed, fun Mum…or more time with a stressed, snappy, harassed Mum?
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Screen-free Time! Our obsession with computers, smartphones and TV is not healthy…for our health or our relationships. And contrary to the popular view, watching TV is not relaxing (particularly before we go to bed): the electrical and radio impulses mess with our brainwaves. Get an hour screen-free time in before going to bed every night.
Health
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8 Hours sleep. Yes we all know we should! If you have trouble getting to sleep, take the process seriously! Make sure you wind down at least an hour before bedtime. Have a bath, read a book, have a hot drink. The “old wives tales” aren’t tales at all: they work! No TV or computers in the bedroom. The bedroom’s for one thing…well two actually!
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2 litres of water. Yes we know we should, but how many of us do it? Being properly hydrated (our bodies are over 60% water!) makes a massive difference to our energy levels and therefore our stress levels.
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Exercise. Here we go! Yes we do need exercise but for goodness sake do something you like. Our ancestors didn’t go to the gym! In fact, lengthy intense gym sessions stress the body…and therefore the mind. Our Neolithic counterparts walked a lot and interestingly with the exception of swimming, walking is the best weight-loss exercise.
Family
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Family Activities. In our busy world, we often forget to spend real quality time with our family. Get out of the house and do something together: it doesn’t have to be expensive: a bike ride, a picnic, a treasure hunt or just a drive to a local town for a gentle look around. Always, where possible, eat supper together and chat about your day.
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Get the kids to help around the house. Not only will it take the pressure off you (once they’re trained and the moans have subsided!) but it will give them a sense of responsibility and help them feel more part of the family. This will also stand them in good stead for life!
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Set clear boundaries. For example how much time is spent doing homework and on the computer. Sit down together and agree the rules. Not only will they feel more in control but you can create a structure they can stick to. Write the rules down; you might even all sign them! Then stick to them come hell or high water!
Relationship
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Us Time! It very, very easy with the pressure of working and focussing on the kids to forget about each other. A birthday card and a valentine’s card are not enough and going out to dinner with friends doesn’t count either. At least once a month, go the cinema or theatre, or go out for a meal…just the two of you.
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Talk Talk! The ideal relationship is one where you can share everything. Communication and telling your other half, warts and all, how you feel is crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship. That way you can take huge amounts of pressure off each other…just by sharing. Are you looking for the same things in life? Have the conversation!
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Bad Relationship? Get out! It will destroy your self esteem, your happiness and your kids’ happiness. If it’s not the right time (your kids are in the middle of GCSE’s), set yourself a deadline and make preparations.
Work
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Do something you love! In recent surveys over 70% of the UK working population disliked or even hated their work. Since we spend over 65% of our waking life at work (in a full-time job) how can we possibly be happy in our life? If you don’t like your job and you’re “on the treadmill”, sit down and work out what you do like and start looking. Just taking action will make things feel better.
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If you can’t get out, find what you do like in your job. Is it the people? Are there people you need to stay away from? Maximise the parts of your job you do like. We know that a job’s too stressful if it’s too challenging or the workload’s crazy; but few realise that a job that doesn’t challenge us is equally stressful!
Life
Live for the Now!
Yes it sounds all “new agey” but most of us are stuck on a treadmill, working every hour God sends to pay the bills at the end of the month…forgetting to live! We’re all trying to earn more money and waiting for life to get better…in the future. You can’t be happy in the future, it hasn’t happened yet!
Mark Newey (Life Coach and Psychotherapist)
Mark did a pretty good job of climbing the corporate ladder and living the “yuppy” lifestyle. After ignoring all of the stress signals, it took a breakdown to make Mark realise that he was dreadfully unhappy and burnout as a result. He got himself out of the “mind fog”, trained in the neurosciences and has helped thousands of people suffering from stress, anxiety, depression and addictions over the last 14 years. And by the way, he’s much happier!
Check Mark out on www.marknewey.com or contact him on mark@marknewey.com.