Graham Norton's back and the Sultan of Chat has poured himself a large vino, dusted down the famous sofa and opened up to Closer on his feelings about using Tinder and why it's time a royal graced his chat show sofa…
He's one of the best-loved faces on TV, barely off our screens since his first chat show in 1998 but self-confessed workaholic – who lives with his beloved dogs, Bailey and Madge – is hilariously open about how un-showbizzy his life is, recalling a time when, "at 9.30pm I was kissing Anne Hathaway and by about 10.30pm I was digging dog poo out of the floorboards."
After a string of failed relationships, Graham, 53, jokes he would "prefer to live alone for the rest of my life rather than live with towels that were folded incorrectly."
Splitting his time between London and his native Ireland, Graham, is hesitant to say he has ever suffered with depression, but admits he's, "been down about things." He's long spoken about his love of wine, and admits attending several Alcoholics Anonymous meetings before realising he preferred life with alcohol in it.
Despite rubbing shoulders with the world's most beautiful A-listers in his work life, he's refreshingly honest about his looks, saying: "I should go to the gym more, whiten my teeth, get my eye bags done, have a hair transplant… or I could have another glass of wine and watch some telly."
Though known for his snappy comebacks and b*tchy put-downs, face-to-face Graham is as warm as he is witty, and more sympathetic than sassy...
So Graham, every A-lister on the planet has been on your show. Who's left to get?
I think we need some royals now – we need a Harry or a William. I don't mind which.
I think William is very good, and whoever is looking after him is doing a very, very good job. The fact he was on the cover of Attitude [gay] magazine is amazing, a really smart modern thing to do, especially because he's a dad. It means you're suggesting a sort of world you'd like your children to grow up in, an inclusive, tolerant world.
There were a lot of first-timers on the sofa last season: Ryan Gosling, Kevin Costner and even Charlie Sheen!
Kevin Costner was clearly very nervous when he came on, but Helen Mirren did a particularly good job of shining a light on him and asking him questions and flattering him and suddenly he was so happy.
With Charlie Sheen, clearly he is an odd bod, but whatever is going on now, it's suiting him much better than what was going on before! I liked him more than I thought I would. And Ryan Gosling – now there is a man who could be Irish. He really knows how to tell a story.
The BBC is being pressured to publish the salaries of their highest-paid stars. And earlier this year Chris Evans said publicly that he's overpaid. How do you feel about that?
No one would like their salary revealed and of course Chris Evans was right. Clearly I'm sitting on a sofa talking, so no, it's not hard. I as a person can't say I'm worth this much – that's why I've got an agent, because my agent can say that and I say thank you very much for saying that and delivering me a bag of cash.
I do think the BBC should be accountable, but I think it spends something like eight percent of its budget on talent. You'd think the Government would be more interested in what they're spending the other 92% on. But of course I want to know what everyone's paid, and when it comes out in the paper I'll read it.
You got a bit of stick as host of the BAFTAs, when you said there was more chance of Anne Boleyn being in Wolf Hall 2 than Caroline Flack in the next X Factor. Were you surprised to be labelled cruel?
If I'm going to joke about somebody, I go and find them and tell them that I'm doing the joke to warn them, because you don't want them to be ambushed. I couldn't find Caroline – she wasn't in the auditorium beforehand – and so I had a message sent to her. We never heard back, so I assumed she was OK with it.
But in retrospect we should have used Olly Murs, because he seems less vulnerable and he has other jobs and he was the one who screwed up the results [on The X Factor]. But to my mind, those were very mild jokes.
Are you in a relationship at the moment? We saw in the paper that you'd been on Tinder...
That's weird that it creates headlines. Why have they published this story? Are they trying to embarrass me? I'm a single person, why wouldn't I go on Tinder?
But we all assume you're meeting glamorous, eligible men in your job or even famous ones...
Well, I do, but I don't date them. I'm single. I always say that you must accept and enjoy the life you are living, which I'm doing.
You've joked that your Labradoodle, Bailey, and terrier Madge are your replacement boyfriends. Do they fill that hole in your life?
No! No! They're dogs! They fill a dog-shaped hole in my life. It's very different because they don't know they're going to die and you're the keeper of that secret and so you love them differently.
What's nice is that dogs live in the moment, literally, as in they don't remember what happened in the last moment; so on a good day, when you see a dog just wagging its tail for no reason and how excited it gets over a bit of two-week-old sausage from the fridge, you realise life's very simple for dogs and that's a good thing to remember.
The Graham Norton Show returns to BBC1 on 30 September at 10.35pm.
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