She turns 30 on boxing Day, but actress Roxanne Pallett tearfully reveals to Closer she’s struggled to celebrate the festive season since her best friend tragically committed suicide.
Former Emmerdale star Roxanne grew up with Pamela Noble and says they were as close as sisters.
'Christmas and birthdays are supposed to be happy occasions but, since Pam's death, I haven't been able to enjoy them'
“Christmas and birthdays are supposed to be happy occasions but, since Pam’s death, I haven’t been able to enjoy them,” says Roxanne. “I still cry for my friend every day. Grief is hard and I sometimes feel lonely and cut off from the world.”
But, remembering the fun she had with Pamela, Roxanne lights up, saying: “Pam wasn’t just a typical friend – she was family. We spent every Christmas together and she always spoiled me on my birthday. We would text each other all day with funny, sweet messages. I remember running through town in the rain after a night out, singing our lungs out. I could just be myself with her.”
Devastatingly, Pamela hanged herself in December 2009 following a disagreement with her boyfriend. At her inquest, the court was told the 26 year old suffered “crippling low self-esteem.”
Tearfully reliving the last time she saw Pamela, a few days before, Roxanne recalls: “We spent the day at my house, just chilling out. I guess it was her way of saying goodbye. I could barely speak when I heard she was gone. My whole world went black. I didn’t leave my house for five months and I’d have panic attacks if I went outside.
I remember trying to go to the supermarket and having an attack in the car. I rang my mum in a state and she had to go in for me. My family were so worried, they thought about sending me to rehab.
'My whole world went black. I didn't leave my house for five months and I'd have panic attacks if I went outside'
“The police asked if I saw any signs that Pamela was unhappy, but I never did. If I had known she was so sad, I could have tried to help – I would have done anything.”
She adds: “I’ve never had counselling, but I sometimes think I should. Acting has always been my form of therapy.”
This year, Roxanne – who starred in Dancing On Ice in January 2009 and now plays Janet in touring musical The Rocky Horror Show – says she’ll spend Christmas with her mum and flatmate, Rocky Horror co-star Ben Forster, 32, in Brighton.
She says: “This year, Mum is coming to stay with me. Brighton is a good change of scenery as my hometown of Carlisle holds too many memories. The best way to survive the festive season is to keep myself distracted.”
She adds: “I’m not ready to raise a glass in Pamela’s memory yet, but I hope I will be one day. I’m close to her parents – I sent her dad a mini Christmas tree to place on her grave this year. I’ll never have a best friend like Pamela again, but I know she’s looking down on me and smiling. She’s always with me.”
Roxanne Pallett is starring in The Rocky Horror 40th Anniversary UK Tour from 17 Dec 2012. For more info and tickets please visit