How to recover and move on from a painful breakup

Most of us have gone through pain of of a break-up. The sleepless nights, roller-coaster of emotions, puffy eyes and feeling as though the grief might never end.


by Jessica Anais Rach |
Published on

Well we have good news for you! The grief will end, and we have researched five top tips to make it easier and faster.

Allow yourself to grieve your loss

You are grieving the loss of your relationship, dreams and shared commitment, as well as experiencing fear of the unknown future ahead.

During this period, you might experience confusion over whether this was the right decision.

Make an objective list of the reasons you broke up and the good as well as the bad memories. If the cons outweigh the pros, you will have a reminder as to why you broke up whenever you are feeling regretful over the split. If you feel the pros outweigh the cons you may wish to confide your concerns in a friend who will see things from an impartial outsider’s point of view and you may wish to seek additional support from a doctor or from


Remove any reminders of him

That includes taking down pictures of him around the house as well as online.

‘Technology is a huge obstacle,’ says relationship therapist Belisa Vranich, PsyD, co-author of He's Got Potential. ‘Facebook and Twitter make it incredibly difficult to move on’. Belisa recommends blocking him rather than de-friending him. Keeping him in your timeline can cause you to obsessively check his updates and misread any activity. Having a clear out of anything connecting him to you will feel like a fresh start and will help your emotional wounds heal.

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Express your emotions

The grieving process can include anger, resentment, questions, hurt and confusion.

Bottling up all these mixed emotions can push you to the edge and prevent closure. Get all these thoughts out into the open. As well as confiding in friends, write a letter capturing all your upset either addressed to your ex, or in a diary style. Writing down your feelings might help you find answers as well as lifting a weight off your shoulders. Either keep the letter so you can refer back to it throughout the healing process, or else dispose of it in a ceremonious manner such as ripping it into small pieces as though you were disposing of all your troubles.

Get out there

Barton Goldsmith, a psychotherapist and author of emotional wellbeing books, recommends keeping an active social diary.Don’t shy away from socialising with friends and new people. This could include joining reading groups, a hobby group or a new social group to rediscover who you are.

Whilst he encourages taking time out to grieve and cry, Barton says, ‘Don't sit in your room and ruminate, you have to free your mind so your heart can heal’.

Assign one day a week for ‘me-time’ and fill up the rest of your diary to give yourself a routine.

Time for a fresh start

Lastly, once you are on the road to recovery it is time for a fresh start. Susan Elliot believes that our self-esteem often takes a hit following a split. She endorses doing positive self-talk and affirmation exercises to keep your self-image up. Work on your mental and physical self to make you feel great about the new you. Write down five things you love about yourself every day- this can include your looks, achievements or character attributes.

Get a new hairstyle, treat yourself to some shopping (not too much!), redecorate the house, try a new activity or enrol at a gym.


The pain is only temporary. You will move on to an improved and wonderful relationship as you will have learnt from previous experience. When you are in this happy and exciting place, you will look back and realise with relief that everything happens for a reason.

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