After her husband of five years, Tom Williams, put her through 'emotional and mental abuse,' for months, Nicola said she reached rock bottom, and began having suicidal thoughts.

'I've never been in such a bad way in my life…At the beginning of July, I wanted to kill myself' said the star, who discovered Tom had been cheating on her earlier this year.

NICOLA MCLEAN TAKES HER MIND OF MARRIAGE SPLIT WITH TOPLESS SHOOT

'My mind was very erratic. The thought of not being with Tom terrified me so much that I would rather have been dead.'

And things got so bad for the 32-year-old, she admits she googled how many pills it would take to kill herself.

'Then I'd think: "You've got the best boys in the world - you can't leave these kids,"' Nicola added.

FURIOUS NICOLA MCLEAN OUTS HUSBAND'S 'MISTRESS' ON TWITTER: 'YOU'RE WEARING MY JUMPSUIT'

But despite her determination not to give up on her children, McLean says she was still self-harming, punching her legs out of frustration.

'It's the same urge as bulimia' said Nicola, who has documented her previous struggles with the eating disorder, 'you feel angry and frustrated by your need to release.'

It became clear that things were not happy in the McLean household after the glamour model tweeted for Tom to return from Vegas in July, when he refused to get in touch with her by any other means.

And after weeks of uncertainty, Nicola revealed their marriage was over, also outing Tom's Vegas mistress - who was pictured partying in a jumpsuit previously owned by McLean.

The page 3 favourite also revealed ex-footballer Tom cheated on her three years ago, again in Vegas, but had the audacity to blame her for his actions.

Tom and Nicola were together for 11 years and have two sons, Rocky, 8, and Striker, 4.