Why these pictures haunt Meghan Markle

‘You have no idea what’s going on for someone behind closed doors. You've no idea,’ she told Oprah.

Royal Albert Hall Meghan

by Guy Pewsey |
Updated on

She is always a picture of beauty and charm. But pictures often lie. Meghan Markle, Duchess of Sussex, has revealed how photos from a 2019 event at the Royal Albert Hall haunt her, thanks to the fact that they were taken at a time of emotional turmoil.

Speaking on the incendiary Oprah Winfrey interview that aired in the US ahead of the UK broadcast, Meghan looked back on the event. It was a Cirque du Soleil show called Totem, held at the iconic London venue in January of that year. Meghan was pregnant with baby Archie, and looked amazing in Roland Mouret sequins. But she didn’t feel amazing.

‘One of the things that still haunts me is this photograph that someone had sent me, we had to go to an official event at the Royal Albert Hall’, she recalled. ‘A friend said: “I know that you don't look at pictures, but oh my god, you guys look so great” and sent it to me.’

She zoomed in on the image, and says she saw ‘the truth of what that moment was’: just before leaving for the event, she had told her husband that she ‘didn't want to be alive anymore.’ The revelation came alongside a deeper discussion of how her mental health suffered while she lived in the UK, with a senior palace aide allegedly failing to help.

Royal Albert Hall Meghan
©Getty

Naturally, Harry suggested that she stay at home and rest, but she said she didn't want to ‘be alone.’ So, instead, she made sure she looked happy on camera, or when the world was watching.

‘Every time those lights went down in that royal box, I was just weeping,’ she explained. ‘[Harry] was gripping my hand and it was “Okay an intermission's coming, the lights are about to come on, everyone's looking at us again” … and you had to just be “on” again.

‘You have no idea what’s going on for someone behind closed doors. You've no idea,’ she said.

‘Even the people that smile the biggest smiles and shine the brightest lights, it seems.’

If you are struggling, call Samaritans on 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org

READ MORE: Have We Somehow Forgotten That Meghan Markle Is Pregnant?

Gallery

Prince Harry And Meghan Relationship Timeline - Grazia

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July 2016: Meghan And Harry Meet

So when did the future Duke and Duchess of Sussex meet? Prince Harry and Meghan Markle were introduced by a mutual friend in July 2016, originally thought to be Markus Anderson (also the director of Soho house) but who was later confirmed to be Violet von Westenholz. Meghan said in an interview that before she met the Harry she didn't know much about him 'the only thing that I had asked [our mutual friend] was, 'Well is he nice?'. According to Harry he knew Meghan was The One from 'the very first time we met.' after only two dates Harry asked Meghan to accompany him on a trip to Botswana.

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October - November 2016: Kensington Palace's Statement

In October 2016 that the Express became the first newspaper to publish news that Prince Harry had a new girlfriend. However just a month later, Kensington Palace released a statement condemning the 'wave of abuse and harassment' faced by Meghan. The unprecedented statement, which referred to Meghan as Harry's girlfriend for the first time, emphasized that Prince Harry was 'worried about Ms. Markle's safety and is deeply disappointed that he has not been able to protect her.' It continued 'It is not right that a few months into a relationship with him that Ms. Markle should be subjected to such a storm.' The palace were also forced to address speculation that Prince William was unhappy with Harry for confirming the relationship too soon, stating 'The Duke of Cambridge absolutely understands the situation concerning privacy and supports the need for Prince Harry to support those closest to him.'

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December - February 2017: Things Get More Serious

Early in December 2017 Meghan was confirmed as the most Googled actress of 2016. In the same month, the couple were photographed together for the first time in London, shopping for a Christmas tree at the Pines and Needles store and attending a performance of The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time. By January 2017 a source told US weekly that Harry had introduced Meghan to Kate and Prince Charlotte and that the 'meeting went well'. Meanwhile a source told The Sun that Meghan had 'virtually moved in' with Prince Harry to his cottage on the Kensington Palace estate.

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March - May 2017: Meghan Attends Weddings With Harry

By March things were openly getting pretty serious between the two: Meghan accompanied Harry to Jamaica for a wedding for the first time (his friend's Tom 'Skippy' Inskip to Lara Hughes-Young). On April the 7th Meghan announced that she was closing down her lifestyle blog The Tig writing 'What began as a passion project (my little engine that could) evolved into an amazing community of inspiration, support, fun and frivolity. You've made my days brighter and filled this experience with so much joy.' In May, Meghan and Harry attended their first public event together at the Polo in Coworth Park (where they also engaged in some PDA). Later in May Prince Harry was seen driving Meghan to the reception of Pippa Middleton and James Matthew's wedding.

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September 2017: The First Official Public Appearance

Welcome to Meghan the style Icon: at the opening of Prince Harry's Invictus Games in September Meghan wore a maroon midi dress with a pleated chiffon skirt by one of her favourite Canadian brands, Aritzia with a burgundy biker jacket by Mackage. The next day the couple were photographed sitting together at the wheelchair tennis and 'broke with royal protocol' by holding hands and kissing at the closing ceremony. On the 5th of September In an interview with Vanity Fair, Meghan stated: 'We're a couple. We're in love. I'm sure there will be a time when we will have to come forward and present ourselves and have stories to tell, but I hope what people understand is that this is our time.'

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September-November 2017: Meghan Leaves Behind Rachel Zane

Late 2017 we saw the end of everyone's favourite legal powerhouse Rachel Zane (sob). In November 2017, shortly after Meghan met the Queen, the actress was reported to be leaving her role in Suits after seven seasons.

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November 2017: The Engagement

After months of speculation, Prince Charles announced the engagement of his younger son Prince Harry and Meghan Markle after 15 months of dating On November 27th 2017 . The engagement ring, said to be designed by Harry, is made of two stones that belonged to Princess Diana. The couple later appeared at a photocall, with Markle wearing a white dress coat by Canadian brand Line The Label (whose website subsequently crashed). When asked by waiting photographers if the proposal was romantic, Harry joked 'of course!' Speaking about his late mother, Princess Diana, Harry said 'I think they'd be thick as thieves. She would be over the moon, jumping up and down, so excited for me... It's days like today when I really miss having her around and miss being able to share the happy news. With the ring, I'm sure she's with us, jumping up and down somewhere else.' it was announced that the wedding would take place on May the 19th, 2018.

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December 2017: The Fab Four

In December 2017 Meghan, Harry, Kate and William were photographed together attending the Christmas service at Sandringham. Pictures of the two couples earned them the title 'The Fab Four'. Meanwhile in the following months Meghan earned a reputation for breaking royal protocol on official visits by hugging fans of the couple and kissing them on the cheek.

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February 2018: Kate And Meghan Appear In Public Together

In February 2018, Kate Middleton and Meghan Markle had their first royal engagement together for the Royal Foundation Forum with Prince Harry and Prince William. Harry stated of the two couples 'We have different opinions and they work really well [together]. Working as family does have its challenges; of course it does. The fact that everybody is laughing shows they know exactly what's it like… But we are stuck together for the rest of our lives.'

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May 2018: The Lead Up To The Wedding

In the lead-up to the wedding it was confirmed 2,640 people would be invited to the grounds of Windsor Palace to watch the royal wedding. Photos of Meghan and Harry's wedding invitations were released, bearing Harry's legal name 'Henry'. Meghan and Harry made a number of public appearances together including to the Invictus game tryouts in April and attend the Queen's birthday at the Royal Albert Hall. Meghan's final episode of Suits is also aired, marking the official end of her acting career.

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May 2018: Meghan's Family Drama Begins

On May the 14th, three days before the wedding Meghan's father, Thomas Markle sr. who was confirmed to walk Meghan down the aisle pulled out, following an embarrassing incident in which he staged paid paparazzi photos. Thomas Markle later suffered a heart attack, and his son Thomas Markle Jr. penned an unflattering open letter to Harry criticizing Meghan and encouraging him to pull out of the wedding. The day before the wedding, Kensington Palace announced Prince Charles would walk Meghan down the aisle, stating 'The Prince of Wales is pleased to be able to welcome Ms. Markle to The Royal Family in this way.'

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May 2018: The Royal Wedding

Meghan and Harry wed on the 19th of May for a combined audience of 11.5 million people who tuned in to watch the ceremony. Meghan's gown was made by Clare Waight Keller, artistic director of the fashion house Givenchy which she later changed for a silk crepe dress by Stella McCartney. Her mother Doria Ragland attended the ceremony along with a host of celebrities including Meghan's former Suits cast and her close friends, George and Amal Clooney.

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May - October 2018: Married Life

Throughout May of 2018 Harry and Meghan made their first official appearances as the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. For her inaugural attendance to the Trooping of the Colour Meghan wore an off-the-shoulder dress, reportedly breaking royal protocal. In the following months the newlyweds made a number of public appearances including to Ireland to meet the country's officials. They also took a rumoured trip to visit George and Amal Clooney in Lake Como.

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October 2018: The Royal Baby Announcement

Speculation began during Princess Eugenie's wedding that Meghan was pregnant owing to her loose coat. The rumours were confirmed when Kensington Palace announced on the 15th of October 2018 that the Duke and Duchess of Sussex were expecting a child. The announcement also coincided with the first day of the Duke and Duchess of Sussex's official tour.

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October 2018: Meghan And Harry's First Royal Tour

In October Meghan and Harry departed for their 16-day Autumn royal tour visiting Australia, Tonga, Fiji and New Zealand (obviously featuring some serious style moments from the newly-appointed Duchess of Sussex/Style). By November, sources were telling news outlets that the couple were preparing to move to Frogmore cottage in Windsor in 2019. The couple spent the anniversary of their engagement, November the 27th apart, due to Harry being in Zambia.

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November 2018 - Present: Feud Rumours

As Meghan and Harry embarked on life as newlyweds there was less plainsailing, as controversy continued to follow closely on their heels. Meghan's family have continued to be the subject of unflattering media headlines and Thomas Markle gave interviews to the media about his distanced relationship with his daughter. Meanwhile Samantha Markle (Meghan's half sister, who also claims to be penning a book about the Duchess) was put on a fixated persons list after showing up at Kensington palace in January. Rumours of a froideur between Meghan and Kate were sparked shortly after Meghan and Harry's nuptials by reports that Meghan reduced Kate 'to tears' during challenging dress fittings with Princess Charlotte. In February, Thomas Markle leaks a handwritten letter from Meghan to the media in response to friends of the Duchess defending her in an interview and following numerous staff changes, rumours arise that Meghan and Harry's staff refer to Meghan by the nickname 'The difficult Duchess'.

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March 2019: The Royal Household's Split

In March 2019 it was confirmed that the Sussex and Cambridge's 'royal households' will split, meaning the couples will no longer share staff. Royal spokespersons confirm that Kate and William's staff team will stay in Kensington Palace while Meghan and Harry's staff will be based in Buckingham Palace, reflecting the location of their new residence of Frogmore cottage in Windsor. Representatives are quick to confirm this is a planned move, and not due to rumors of growing tensions between the couples.

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May 2019: The Baby Is Here!

Meghan Markle gave birth to baby Sussex on May 6th, 2019, he weighed 7lbs. 3oz. On May 8th the new parents did a photocall at Windsor Castle, showing their newborn off to the world.

October 2019: The Duke and Duchess take legal action against the Mail on Sunday.19 of 23

October 2019: The Duke and Duchess take legal action against the Mail on Sunday.

Prince Harry released a powerful statement condemning the treatment of his wife and explaining why she is taking legal action against The Mail on Sunday. It reads: 'As a couple, we believe in media freedom and objective, truthful reporting. We regard it as a cornerstone of democracy and in the current state of the world – on every level – we have never needed responsible media more.'Find out more here.

March 2020: The Duke and Duchess attend The Endeavour Awards in London20 of 23
CREDIT: Getty

March 2020: The Duke and Duchess attend The Endeavour Awards in London

It was when Meghan and Harry attended The Endeavour Awards in March, the month they officially left the royal family, that this stunning photo was taken. Look how in love they look!

May 2020: Meghan reads to Archie on his first birthday21 of 23
CREDIT: Instagram

May 2020: Meghan reads to Archie on his first birthday

To mark Archie's first birthday, Meghan read Duck! Rabbit! in a video to help Save The Children's Save With Stories initiative. In the clip, Meghan laughs as Archie throws another book to the floor, as his attention wanders. Harry is also heard cheering at the end of the story, and Archie responds by saying, 'Da, da, da.'

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CREDIT: Instagram

2020-2021: Life in Lockdown

Harry and Meghan remained out of the limelight for much of 2020 and early 2021, with lockdown keeping them at home in their California mansion. They did, however, participate in many Zoom calls with charities and foundations. The privacy that lockdown enabled them also meant that they could grieve in relative piece after Meghan experienced a miscarriage, and could keep the happy news of their forthcoming new arrival secret for as long as they liked. The pair are clearly excited to be welcoming a new arrival to the family.

March 2021: Oprah23 of 23

March 2021: Oprah

After Prince Harry had a jovial interview with James Corden, Meghan went with Oprah Winfrey for an in-depth chat. Harry, of course, pops in to say hello. It has proved a controversial interview already. We shall see how far the ripples go...

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