Martine McCutcheon reveals battle with depression: ‘I would pray to God I wouldn’t wake up’

Eastenders star Martine McCutcheon has revealed that a 7-year-battle with depression and chronic fatigue syndrome left her suicidal.

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by Jessica Anais Rach |
Published on

Speaking to a UK newspaper over the weekend, the 37-year-old revealed that depression, constant tiredness and dizziness resulted in her career decline, weight gain and eventually bankruptcy.

After being confined to a wheelchair and sinking into such a deep depression that she refused to leave the house for a month, the actress was was finally diagnosed with ME 18 months ago.

The Love Actually star told how she collapsed 20 times and piled on 2 stone, baffling medics with her condition.

Martine and husband Jack at V festival this year
Martine and husband Jack at V festival this year

‘I would pray to God I wouldn't wake up,’ Martine admitted.

‘I would just say, “Please, whatever this is, it is making me feel so bad, just let it kill me”.’

‘I've had the worst seven years ever. It's just been one thing after another.’

The actress, who found fame aged 18 as Tiffany in Eastenders, was so ill that she had to reject work and was eventually declared bankrupt in January.

‘I’d started struggling with the schedules. I could sleep endlessly.

‘Once a scene was cut I’d nod off in my trailer and producers would struggle to wake me. I was worried people thought I had a drink or drug problem, but I didn’t, I was just really unwell.’

Martine as Tiffany in Eastenders

Martine, who married singer Jack McManus last year, admitted:

‘I have not been in a nice place in my head, financially nor with my career.’

However following her diagnosis, the actress is piecing her life back together.

Martine has credited husband Jack for helping her get back on track, and after downsizing her London home and completing TV Movie The Home Office, she is hoping to help other sufferers do the same.

’I want to give hope to ME sufferers, even people who don’t know what they have got. I want them to know that they are not going mad and that they can get better. You can live a normal and good life again.’

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