For fans of Girls of the Playboy Mansion, Holly Madison and fellow ‘girlfriends’ Kendra Wilkinson and Bridget Marquardt appeared to have it all: Money, glamour and what they claimed was a loving relationship with their shared partner, Hugh Hefner.
But Holly’s memoir Down the Rabbit Hole reveals a startling truth on the effect of living in the world’s most famous mansion.
The 35-year-old admits that she struggled with depression and even thought of taking her own life.
She wrote: "Maybe it was the pot and the alcohol, but drowning myself seemed like the logical way to escape the ridiculous life I was leading.
"I just couldn't take my misery anymore. Of course my family would be devastated, but I rarely saw them enough for my absence to make a difference."
Though Holly was described as Hugh’s ‘favourite’, spending most nights with the 89-year-old magazine editor, she felt that her absence wouldn’t affect him.
"Would he even miss me?” she wrote. “No, I was certain I was just another warm body - as we all were.”
Holly added: “Just another blonde', I could hear him say."
Hugh and Holly split in 2009 following pressure from the Alaskan-raised blonde to get married.
She then moved to Las Vegas where she launched a stage career before meeting husband Pasquale Rotella. The couple welcomed their first daughter, Rainbow, in March 2013.