She found fame on Made In Chelsea in 2013 and has carved out a successful career as a regular on This Morning – praised for her passionate views on motherhood and feminism. And as she opens up to Closer ahead of Mother's Day, Ashley James – who shares Alfie, four, and two-year-old daughter Ada with partner Tommy Andrews – insists she's eager to uplift fellow mums after battling postnatal depression.
‘I loved the newborn stage but the depression hit me around the six-month mark,’ she explains. ‘The world started to open up again after lockdown and I felt like all the things I loved about my life before kids had been stripped away from me. Those feelings are hard to deal with because you love your baby. But I'm in a good place now so I feel empowered to speak out on this. Mothers should be able to discuss the challenges we face without being made to feel guilty.’
Ashley is now backing MAM's #RightToSoothe campaign, which is aimed at educating people on the benefits of soothers and giving parents the confidence to make the best choices for their babies. And Ashley reveals she was also stunned by the constant backlash she faced for her parenting decisions as a new mum.
‘After I had Alfie, I felt I couldn't do right for doing wrong. That criticism came a lot from online when I'd post pictures. I was shamed for even breastfeeding my son, as people sexualised my body and said I was attention-seeking. I can handle the judgement because I know I’m a good mum and doing what’s right for my family. I’m not afraid to say that some days I find parenting boring. I’m not ashamed to admit I spent 10 minutes with my daughter on her second birthday because I had to work. It’s life and a lot of people can relate.’
After battling a traumatic birth the first time round – during which she was denied pain relief and stitched up incorrectly, which led to her suffering from faecal incontinence – the DJ, who appeared on Celebrity Big Brother in 2018, insists she was determined to do things differently with daughter Ada, and opted for an elective C-section back in 2023.
She say, ‘It triggers me when people say they had a good birth because they did hypnobirthing. I did hypnobirthing and still had a horrible experience. With Ada, I chose to have a C-section and that enabled me to have the positive birth I had always wanted with Alfie. I didn't feel robbed of anything because it wasn't a vaginal birth.’
In addition to her honesty about motherhood, Ashley has also been open about her previous struggles with her body image and self-worth, regularly sharing unfiltered snaps on her social media. Since becoming a mother, she says trolls insist she's 'let herself go', but she's determined to embrace her body for the sake of her young daughter.
She says, ‘In my modelling days in my twenties, I was the furthest thing from healthy. Exercise was a punishment, and I wasn’t happy. People say since becoming a mum, I've let myself go. But what I've let go of is the judgement and disrespect that I felt for my body. I wouldn't say I love my body, but I have so much respect for it after what it's been through. And for my daughter, I don't want her to ever feel she's not enough.’
Ashley struck up a romance with partner Tommy in December 2019. The pair connected on a dating website but had met a decade earlier while on graduate schemes at fashion firm Abercrombie & Fitch. She's previously insisted the pair aren't interested in marriage and admits to Closer that they don't even share a bed due to co-parenting duties.
She says, ‘It's survival mode for Tommy and I! We can't be expected to be all things to everyone. I personally don't like sharing a bed anyway. I like to starfish. Tommy always steals the duvet too and we like different temperatures. So I can't just blame the kids for us not sleeping together. We tag team with the two children and try to ensure everyone gets as much sleep as possible. What's the point in us both being burnt out just so we can say we share a bed?’
Ashley's openness and relatability is what's made her such a shining star on shows like This Morning, which she regularly appears on alongside seasoned broadcasters Nick Ferrari and Gyles Brandreth.
She says, ‘I have so much respect for Nick and Gyles. They treat me with respect and I've learned so much from them. Our opinions don't always align but they give me the floor to speak. I'm happy to use my voice. In my younger days, I used to think you had to choose between wanting to be glamorous or wanting to be taken seriously and respected for your mind. Now I have both. I love pink and I can talk politics. People still underestimate me, but I say bring it on!'
And as she approaches celebrations for her fifth Mother's Day this month, Ashley feels reflective about her early days as a parent and how far she's come.
She says, ‘I would love to go back and tell that new mum not to listen to the judgement. To speak up for yourself and insert boundaries. But also remind her that she'll feel like herself again. We lose a lot of our identity as mums and it's still a juggling act for me. But I've found a balance and feel so much more confident than I imagined I could.’
Ashley James is an ambassador for MAM Right To Soothe campaign. Silencing soother shame through science, while empowering parents.