****Don't ya just hate it when celebrities make us privy to every single little detail in their life? To the breakups, to the arguments, to the sickly sweet proposals?
Then you're a hypocrite. Because, thanks to Facebook, you're probably just as bad.
Take note...
You constantly update your public on what's going AWWN in your relationship
You want an example? How about a mundane Facebook status, which says something along the lines of "OMG, my boyfriend just bought me a Belgian Bun. True love :) xxxxx"
Just… just don't do that, okay? It's lame. It's incredibly lame. It's even lamer than Kim and Kanye - at least they only fill us in on the juicy stuff.
… sometimes with photographs
Very similar to before, just with photographs. So there'd be a photo of the Belgian Bun. Or of the bath your boyfriend ran for you. Or, you know, of a tidy kitchen that he'd straightened out for you.
WE BELIEVE YOU! WE DO NOT NEED PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE!!!
You can't stop gushing about your other half
We get it. You're in a relationship, your other half is amazing and you're pretty chuffed about it. That's nice. We enjoy it when people are happy and in love. But we don't enjoy it as much when you persist in telling us about it all the frikkin time.
"Happy 2 week anniversary baby - I will NEVER stop loving you, you make me so happy and I can't wait tip you wake up so I can kiss you!"
Ew. No. Stop it already.
You TAG them in your status
As if it's not enough that it's on your wall, you've gone and tagged your other half so that the mundanity appears on HIS wall too. Once is enough. We all know who you're dating (and, if we don't, why are you our Facebook friend anyway?), we don't need his full hyperlinked name. We just don't.
You have conversations - via Facebook
Remember how, when you were in a relationship, you'd use your words to talk to them? Yeah. Nowadays, it's all about having conversations on Facebook and Twitter, where everyone can see it AND get involved. And, most of the time, your other half is sitting right next to you as you start chatting with your keyboard. How's about giving your fingers a rest, turning your head just a couple of inches to the right and opening your mouth? Much more private.
A constant barrage of selfies
One or two is fine. It's cute, even. But an entire album of you two grinning into a camera phone, presumably held up wobbly by one of your outstretched arms, is unnecessary. We've seen your faces next to each other before, y'know. At least try mixing it up with some exciting scenery, rather than your hotel bedroom.
All of the in-jokes
Now JOKES, actually funny jokes, are allowed. We like it when you quote your boyfriend saying that he isn't qualified to make a decision about scented candles, we chortle when you share his opinions on Downton Abbey and we properly LOL when you mock his inability to review The Hunger Games like a real human being. You know what we don't like? The in-jokes. The jokes meant just for him. The jokes that aren't funny, take up space on our news feed and just… they're just dull. We don't CARE if a picture of an apple makes you both smile, okay? Because it doesn't do anything for us. And we're selfish beings.
The hearts. Oh god, the hearts.
Any status that's followed by a stream of pixelated hearts is a big fat no-no. It offends our eyes.
Stop being so overwhelmingly smug
Yes, your boyfriend is attractive. Yes, he's perfect. Yes, he buys you flowers just because he feels like it. But we don't really need to hear about it. Why not just tell him he's an awesome human being to his face for once?
You air your dirty laundry in public
While the constant lovey-dovey statuses are annoying, they're not AS annoying as the angst-riddled argumentative statuses. You know the ones. They either reference your beloved directly, such as a "I can't believe my boyfriend is over ten minutes late for dinner - some people are so selfish!" or a "trust is a funny thing…"
It's awkward. Because we don't really want to comment, we don't feel like we can ignore it and, once you've kissed and made up, you're going to have to delete it / update us further. Which we really don't need.
Your relationship status keeps fluctuating
You're In A Relationship. It's Complicated. Single. In A Relationship. It's Complicated. In A… just no. How's about taking your relationship status OFF of Facebook completely? Saves all the aggro.