'If you really like someone, you should hold off for at least a month before having sex with them', says Closer writer A
It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of meeting someone new and the intense rush of finding someone who you’re really attracted to, but sleeping with someone too soon might give the man you’re seeing the wrong impression and takes away the thrill of the chase.
Making him wait puts you in control and also shows that you respect yourself, and chances are he’ll respect you for it.
Though one-night stands and casual sex are great fun for some people, I don’t think it’s the best way to get to know someone…
'He’s going to have to work for you: actually make an effort in getting to know you before he gets in your knickers'
I’m not a romantic, far from it (clichéd ideas of romance make me cringe), and I am in no way ‘slut shaming’ anyone. I think if you are just looking for fun then have as much casual sex as you like.
You wouldn’t take a car out for a test drive without knowing some details about how it works, what it can and can’t do and how reliable it is. Well, it’s the same with men right? Why have sex with someone you’re keen on before you know if you’re compatible (of if you really, actually fancy him)?
I just think that in order to be respected by men, they have to see that you value yourself. A way to do this is by making it clear that he’s going to have to work for you: actually make an effort in getting to know you before he gets in your knickers.
'Go with your gut instinct', says Closer writer B
When it comes to relationships, any kind of one-size-fits all rule is ridiculous.
Just because you sleep with a man in the first throes of romance, doesn’t mean that night of passion won’t turn into a wonderful relationship that lasts years – even decades.
Love can bloom from all manner of situations, and just because you have leapt into bed with someone, doesn’t mean they will respect you any less for it in the long run.
My current relationship began as a casual – falling into bed with each other after a hard night’s drinking – situation, only to turn into a monogamous partnership between two people who love and respect one other. I don’t believe that holding back our physical attraction to one another would have given us a 'stronger' grounding, or that I was judged for getting physical straight away.
'When it comes to relationships, any kind of one-size-fits all rule is ridiculous.'
If anything, there’s something false about two grown adults, who have both admitted their desire to be in each other’s company, deliberately staving off sex for weeks at a time – just for the sake of it.
And besides, making such a big deal about this 'prize' you are giving another person surely builds you up for a fall. The chase can only last so long as you’re not giving it up, and once you do, maybe he’ll lose interest all together?
Worse still, the poor bloke will probably be so nervous by the time the big day dawns he’ll completely fluff it. And that’s no good to either of you (especially after a month of waiting!)