Here is why you should NEVER force your kids to kiss their relatives

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by Kayleigh Dray |
Published on

When small children are feeling particularly shy, many parents gently coax them into planting a peck on the cheek of an elderly relative.

However Lucy Emmerson, the co-ordinator of the Sex Education Forum, has warned that forcing our little ones to give granny or grandad a kiss could make them easy prey for sexual predators.

"I believe learning about consent starts from age zero"

She explained that forcing a kiss may blur the boundaries of what is acceptable when it comes to physical contact, insisting that encouraging a youngster to blow a kiss, high-five or wave to a relative, friend or stranger instead will help them become more aware of the importance of consent.

"Their bodies are their own," she commented online in the Sex Education Forum’s termly e-magazine.

"I believe learning about consent starts from age zero.

"Much is learnt by young children from everyday experiences about whether or not their opinion is valued and if they have any control over physical contact with others.

"Intervening may be awkward... but it is necessary if we are truly to teach children that their bodies are their own and that their instincts should be followed."

Could forcing your children to embrace their grandparents make them easy prey for sexual predators?
Could forcing your children to embrace their grandparents make them easy prey for sexual predators?

"Suggesting alternatives to the child such as a high-five, a hug, blowing a kiss or a wave put the child in control.

"If we can’t manage to create a culture of consent for everyday physical contact, it will be surely be a tall order for sexual situations."

A recent survey of 890 young people (aged approximately 16 or 17) showed that almost one in three had not learned about consent in school; however many parents and family campaigners have responded angrily to her ideas.

Norman Wells, director of the Family Education Trust, said: "Even if the distinction is lost on the Sex Education Forum, children and young people are able to recognise that there is all the difference in the world between self-consciously– and perhaps on occasion reluctantly – kissing an uncle or aunt on the cheek on the one hand, and accepting unwanted sexual advances on the other."

And Margaret Morrissey, of family campaign group Parents Outloud, described the recommendation as ‘ridiculous’.

"It’s something we need to preserve, because it’s part of being a caring family"

Talking about kissing our relatives, she explained: "It’s something we need to preserve, because it’s part of being a caring family.

"Parents are very sensible and know exactly what’s appropriate for their children. The Sex Education Forum is trying to take any kind of human feeling and kindness out of the way we bring up children and that’s really sad.

"If a child isn’t taught through the family connection how to show appropriate affection, then they’re going to have a very difficult time when they become teenagers and adults."

Should we cherish our family bonds - or be wary of them?

However Dr Meg Barker, a psychology lecturer at The Open University who co-edits the journal Psychology and Sexuality, has sided with Emmerson's controversial opinion, suggesting that "guilt and manipulation" are becoming commonplace in family circles:

"At the moment coercive practices are quite commonplace in everyday lives unfortunately, from friends and family members kissing and cuddling kids when they don’t want that to happen, to friends and family trying to persuade each other to engage in social events that they don’t want to go to through guilt and manipulation."

Do you agree with Lucy Emmerson's theory that forcing a child to kiss a relative, friend or (to them) stranger will make them easy prey to sexual predators? Or do you think that the tradition of kissing the ones we love is one which should be preserved? Join the debate in the Comments Box below.

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