Ah, online dating; so many people are looking for love out there in cyberspace - and, while plenty find their You'Ve Got Mail-style happy-ever-after, there are plenty who don't.
Which is probably due to the fact that there are people like THIS out there.
This note, received by a San Francisco woman - and at least 10,000 others - has to be, hands down, the worst message we've ever seen sent on an online dating site.
READ: A CLOSER LOOK AT ONLINE DATING
Sure, it's not an unsolicited dick pic. Sure, it's not rude, or crass, or offensive. But this ESSAY, sent to thousands of women at once, reads just like a legal document - and seemingly suggests that romance is, truly, dead.
It begins thus...
My Modest But A Tad Blunt Proposal IV
To meet up with you in person because I consider you to be interesting/attractive based on your profile. For the folks whom have received the first proposal please see the updates/musings at the tail end of this message.
Disclosures:
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This message has been used and reused on a number of interesting/attractive females
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I am interested in meeting a significant other as well as meeting people in general.
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Here are my well-maintained social media profiles to "prove" that I do exist outside of the digital world. Social media profiles: [REDACTED]
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Potential red-flag: Haven't had a girlfriend in 7 years 5. Just getting back into the online dating scene.
READ: TRACEY COX GIVES ADVICE ON ONLINE DATING
So why does this guy want to meet us? Well, let's allow him to explain it, in his own words...
"Based on my very limited knowledge of your world views and your chosen online appearance, I have made the assessment to deem you of sufficient compelling interest for me to impart further effort to 'get to know you better.'
"To my understanding, there is a lot of wasted time involved with the online messaging that in all likelihood will end up nowhere for the both of us should you choose to respond through the confines of the limited OKC messaging system."
Ugh, we have no idea what we just read. But that's fine, because this guy has provided us with instructions on what to do next.
Instructions
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Skim my OKCupid profile to see if I am remotely interesting and check out my facebook/linkedin profile to get an idea of what I am about.
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Reply to this message OR, ideally, text/call my google number [REDACTED].
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Schedule for a brief 5-10 minute phone interview.
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If mutual interests persist, then we can schedule a meeting time/place of your choice (police station, health clinic, coffee shop, bar, etc.) TIP OF THE DAY: Choose a public place with plenty of pedestrian traffic!
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Learn something new or try something new at the very least. Who knows where this could lead?
FACEBOOK FAIL: THE MOST AWKWARD RELATIONSHIP MOMENTS WE'VE EVER SPOTTED ON FACEBOOK
Still interested? He's even provided a Q&A section...
Q&A:
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What if you are a creep? I am not. I can offer you at least 5 references upon your request within 48 hours excluding holidays and weekends. More importantly, I just passed a corporate background check by HireRight. w00t!
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Why haven't you had a gf in 7 years? Long story, but basically I haven't met the right person. Duh!
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** Don't you realise that most girls are into the more subtle approaches?** Yes, but I am not really looking for a plurality of matches. One is enough.
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What if we meet up and we have a horrible time together? I will be truly sorry. I guess it is a risk that comes with this type of social experiment.
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Are you socially retarded? No. OK, sometimes, but it's by choice and in full recognition of the social backlash and ramifications.
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Are you a player? Hardly.
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This sounds lame, but your failures vaguely intrigue me. Any luck thus far? I still firmly believe that it is a numbers game. I must have sent over 10000 messages and had a reply rate of less than 5%. I have met up with 15 people thus far including a girl living in Singapore.
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How long have you been on OKCupid? Just filled out my profile on 9/9/2012. Proposal II was written on 11/27/2012. Proposal III was written on 2/4/2013 and was also distributed manually shortly thereafter. Proposal IV was written on 5/31/2014.
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What if you are not my type? I got one of my good buddies on board okc. If you are not into 200+ lb Chinese Americans, then please give my svelte and sexy buddy, "Virt" a shot at love! YES he really is 6'3"!(recent transplant to SF, consummate professional, amazing chef, foodie, sophistication beyond belief) [REDACTED]
We just… we just can't.
He's ruined the mystery, he's ruined the idea that we might be special - after all, he's sent this same document to 10,000 other women - and he's WRITTEN AN FAQ SECTION ABOUT HIMSELF.
Are we being too harsh? Let us know what you think of this message via the Comments Box below, or tweet us over at @CloserOnline now.