1. You hate Christmas music
****
Even more because it’s e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e; it’s blasting out of your car radio, it’s being pumped out in every single shop, and it’s even in those pesky Christmas adverts.
Speaking of which…
2. You hate Christmas decorations
Every single year it’s the same; Halloween ends, and Christmas IMMEDIATELY begins in the shops.
Why can’t we just enjoy a few weeks of non-themed supermarket produce, eh? WHYYYYYYY?!?!?!
3. You hate inappropriately festive behaviour in the workplace
It’s hard to love your colleagues at the best of times, but this? This is just taking things to a twisted new level.
And, on that note….
4. You hate the office’s Christmas party
Everyone else is busy crying over the latest John Lewis advert, and you’re busy picking it to pieces.
“Yeah, it’s cute and all… BUT HE WOULD DIE ON THE MOON! BECAUSE THERE’S NO AIIIIIR!!!”
Oh yes. We know your type.
6. You hate Christmas carollers
Don’t let the door hit you in the carol-book on your way out, kids.
7. You hate writing Christmas cards
“Do I love anyone enough to buy cards, write festive messages, hunt out their addresses, buy stamps, and then post the damn things?
"I think almost definitely not.”
8. You hate Christmas trees
They’re traitorous, and twisted, and they shed needles like nobody’s business.
9. You hate how commercial it all is
Why does Father Christmas bring better presents to all the rich kids, eh? RIDDLE US THAT!!!
10. You hate Christmas shopping
It’s like descending into a hellish zombie apocalypse, unarmed and unable to trust a-n-y-o-n-e around you.
11. You especially hate it when you’ve been given a list to shop from
Should Christmas be about petty demands?
We think not.
12. Because did we mention you hate the commercialism?
MONEY SHOULDN’T BE EVERYTHING!!!!
13. You hate the cold
Cold is not… well, it IS cool, but it isn’t at the same time. You savvy?
14. You hate (hate double hate!) people telling you to cheer up ‘because it’s Christmas’
“My face will be as grumpy as I want it to be, thank you very much!”
15. You hate (hate hate and loathe entirely!) sitting around doing zilch on Christmas day
Lying around and pushing food into your mouth just really isn’t your scene.
16. Although, when forced to attend, you let everyone know exactly what’s what…
Food, man. It’s all about the food.
** 17. Too bad you have to do all that socialising first…**
Food. Food now. Food please. FOOD!
18. And the presents. Particularly the awful presents.
Can’t we just not and say we did?
19. And you hate the inevitable war your family will have over Monopoly
Every single year. Why did they even INCLUDE Mayfair?!?
20. But, despite it all, you can’t help succumbing to all the emotion of the holiday season.
We knew you’d have to give in to the power of Christmas at some point!
Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!