Kate Lawler’s fresh baby turmoil

Insiders say newly-married Kate Lawler is feeling pressure over baby no.2

by Closer Staff |

She beamed with happiness after saying “I do” to her long-term beau, Martin Bojotos, aka ‘Boj’ last week, as former Big Brother winner Kate Lawler, 41, finally got her ‘happily ever after’.

Donning a diamante headpiece with a trailing mesh veil, the mum-of-one looked incredible in a fitted, off-the-shoulder lace gown as she excitedly left the swanky Shoreditch wedding venue alongside her dapper husband.

The glowing bride jubilantly thrust her bridal bouquet into the air as she greeted guests and excited crowds who gathered to celebrate the newlyweds.

And while she radiated joy on her Big Day, Kate’s happiness was a far cry from the suicidal “mess” she became following the birth of her daughter, Noa, 18 months ago, which thrust her into severe post-natal depression.

Bravely opening up last year, the presenter - who shot to fame in 2002 after becoming the first female winner of Big Brother following its third series - admitted, "When I look back at the first eight weeks, I feel like I went to the darkest place I’ve ever been in my life. I’m slowly coming out of the trenches now, but I’m a completely different person to who I was before I gave birth.

"It’s a privilege to be a mum. But this was monotonous, like treading water – I didn’t know what I was doing. I was out of my depth and just felt deeply sad and full of regret.”

And pals say after seeking therapy and finally getting to wed her long-term beau following numerous postponements amid the pandemic, she’s finally feeling back to her old self again.

The source says, "Kate’s been to hell and back over the last couple of years and is finally seeing ‘the old Kate’ return - something in her most hopeless times, she thought might never happen.

"Having waited so long for their Big Day made it all the more special too, and their wedding became a joint celebration of Kate having conquered her demons and her and Boj conquering one of the toughest tests of their nine-year relationship."

After meeting her now husband in 2013, Kate revealed he was eager to become a dad, but it took several years of soul-searching and difficult conversations, given Kate's lack of maternal instincts, before conceiving their daughter.

Kate Lawler during Miss More 2004 National Model Competition at Portman Square in London, Great Britain. (Photo by Ferdaus Shamim/WireImage)

Kate - who even started a podcast with 38-year-old Boj - called 'Maybe Baby' to discuss the conflict they faced over starting a family - said, “You know when women say they’ve wanted a baby since they were a little girl? I couldn’t relate to that at all,” she said.

After learning she had a low egg count, Kate - who’d never suffered from mental health issues in the past - revealed something in her shifted.

While they initially agreed to start trying on their planned honeymoon last summer, having to postpone their nuptials prompted them to push their timeline forward given Kate was already 40 at the time.

Thankfully, Kate fell pregnant quickly and she gave birth to Noa last February.

But following the caesarean birth, Noa spent three days in NICU with fluid on her lungs and was rushed back to hospital two weeks later with a finger infection and suspected sepsis and meningitis.

Kate’s traumatic start to motherhood, coupled with difficulties breastfeeding, plunged her into a dark place – and she admitted she had “thoughts of resentment” towards Boj which led them to seek couple’s counselling.

She admitted, “He really wanted to be a dad and there was a little bit of worry there for him in the beginning, thinking that he’d made me do this. Like, ‘Goodness, she’s going to blame me for this...’

“And yeah, I definitely had thoughts of resentment, moments where I thought to myself, ‘Why did I let him convince me this would be a good idea?’

“And I was afraid to tell him how depressed I was. Having a baby really does put pressure on your relationship. But thankfully Boj is nothing like me! He’s so calm and he’s got more patience. He has been my rock.”

And after swearing off having any more children – insisting “one is enough” – pals say Kate’s nuptials have left her wondering if she could go through it again. The source adds, “Kate knows how desperate Boj is to give Noa a sibling and while she wants to make him happy, the thought of a new baby makes her nervous.

“She’s been traumatised by previous events and after coming out the other side, she can’t imagine putting herself through that again, but at the same time, she doesn’t want to deprive Boj and Noa of having another child and sibling.

“Now the wedding is over, she feels like everyone will be expecting her to have a change of heart, and while Boj has vowed to support any decision she makes, she can’t help feeling that overwhelming pressure.

“Boj insists he has everything he ever dreamed of. Kate just wants to continue riding on the wave of happiness she’s feeling right now and enjoy being a newlywed.

“While she’s admitted she’ll ‘never say never’ to having another baby, for now, she just wants to focus on Boj and Noa and being the happy family she’d always dreamed they’d be.”

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