The 32-year-old has admitted that she suffered from a miscarriage last year, and fears a previous abortion might be to blame.
Speaking ahead of the release of her autobiography Basically, the reality star told a UK newspaper:
'The miscarriage felt like God's way of punishing me'
“I do feel guilty. What if I can never have a baby now? The miscarriage felt like God’s way of punishing me.”
Gemma discovered she was first pregnant in 2011, just as her 5-year-relationship with her city worker boyfriend was coming to an end.
She revealed:
“It should have been every girl’s dream come true – I had a nice house, a lovely boyfriend, everything was lovely.”
“We were together for five years – we could have had a baby. Some people are together for six months.
“But I think he s*** himself. When I first said I’m pregnant, he seemed happy. Then I think it made him realise he didn’t want to be with me for the rest of my life.”
[ asset id="56712" class="rightBlock" ]She added:
“It was like, do I want to be a single mum? Can I do it? If he doesn’t want the baby, surely I deserve that full-on relationship with someone.”
The reality star made the hard decision to have a termination, although she only managed to go through with it the second time around.
Months after joining TOWIE, the star then got pregnant a second time, with her then-boyfriend, a long-term friend.
Sadly on the eve of the casts’ appearance at the National Television awards last year, Gemma miscarried.
'I would have kept the baby because I was very in love'
“It was never meant to be,” she said. “I would have kept the baby because I was very in love. I felt like, this is God’s way of punishing me.”
The admission will come as a shock to current boyfriend, businessman Rami Hawash, as well as former flame, Arg.
“No one knows,” she added, “Arg doesn’t know.”
Speaking about the night of the miscarriage, Gemma said:
“I can remember Sam and Billie picking me up in a nice chauffeur-driven car. They were like, ‘Gem you look amazing.’ And I was thinking, ‘I can barely move with all this padding on beneath.’
“I didn’t want to go into it. The TOWIE cast see me as the mother hen – I’m like the big sister, the stronger one. They’re in their 20s – I didn’t want to spoil their night. I just kept schtum and didn’t say nothing.”
Gemma is now happily settled with Rami, whom she has moved in with.
“Rami could turn out to be my knight in shining armour, who knows? Yes, I’d love the fairy tale dream wedding, and it will happen, but I don’t know when.”